This Mitchell and Webb Book

Time to drag this blog into its purpose. I have other places to waffle about the minutia of daily life!

My purpose here is intended to be a place to talk about what it (and isn't) funny;  to share news, reviews and other relevant information.


So with that in mind, I finally finished reading "This Mitchell and  Webb Book"after starting it back in November or something. It's not that hard to read, just very hard to keep reading. Mainly because it is inevitable that at some point you need to leave it on a side-table or something and it will invariably disappear for weeks on end.

That said, I can quite categorically say that this is definitely a book to be read and enjoyed by everyone. In my house, the ages range from 8 to 45 (that's not me!!) and all had a few chuckles from it.

Highlights? Love the alternative movie posters, the Boosh section (with a fab cartoon version of Noel!), the CSI guide.
Honestly, there wasn't a page I didn't laugh aloud at and desperately want to read out to whoever was with me at the time.
The Best Bit? Page 174, obviously.

If you haven't already, buy it, read it, hide it.

A suggestion for the publishers - maybe a blank cover for subsequent editions so maybe people will leave it the hell alone!


SUMMARY:

WHO SHOULD READ THIS BOOK? Everyone (starting with the person who worked damned hard to pay for it!)
WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO READ THIS BOOK? Dead people - and librarians.... unless they were off-duty, I guess: I reckon librarians like to get noisy when they are not at work so a hearty laugh in those circumstances might be quite acceptable.

Hog-in-the-hedge

Much panic today as we had to extract a(n) hedgehog from a tennis net (not that posh, I worked at a tennis centre and blagged one that was being disposed of!)

Nightmare, really; day one back at school, so the kids weren't functioning at their best, I am out of practice on the whole process of making lunches and breakfasts whilst simultaneously making myself presentable, checking emails and social networks and bullying little people into eating up, brushing hair and teeth yada-yada.

Add into the affray, a wailing eight-year-old "It's going to die and it's all my fault!". So, I'm making sandwiches between frantic phonecalls to my veterinary friends (ok, a bit posh!), with a hair brush tucked under my arm doing my very best calming voice "No it's not your fault, whatever happens, sweetie - NOW BRUSH YOUR TEETH BEFORE WE ARE LATE!!"
Thankfully, a dear friend was up for taking baby to school whilst the older two can take themselves, so an emergency trip to the veterinary hospital later and Hedgy (it's what happens when eight-yr-olds encounter nature!) is back in his favourite hidey-hole in the garden.

Not that the journey itself was without incident, of course: they anaesthetised him so they could check for broken legs etc. She said he'd be a little drowsy for a while, but to put him straight in the hedge and he'd be fine. Unfortunately, the meds wore off halfway home, across town in the school/work traffic, at which point I realised that I hadn't made the best choice in transportation vessel, having placed him in my mop bucket. I guess half of me didn't expect to be bringing him home given a previous net vs hedgehog fight I bore witness to whilst working at the afforementioned tennis centre. That was a tacky old football net, though, not a refined tennis net. Obviously a tennis net is far too middle-classed to damage an object of suburban wildlife.

So there I am, sitting in traffic with a bucket containing one fully-functioning hedgehog scrambling for freedom. Every so often I tapped the bucket to try to scare him back into his previous foetal position, but it didn't work. He was so desperate to explore my car!

Try explaining that one to baby; "No, sweet, you didn't kill the hedgehog, it's fine... just, well, lost in the car somewhere"

I can imagine the look on her face already!

Thankfully, all is fine and dandy. Hedgy is now back in his favourite spot in the garden, tennis net is packed away, school has been called so they can reassure baby the wildlife police aren't out looking for her. Huge sigh and a cup of tea!


And I know it's  not a great picture, but I took it whilst driving. Don't do that! EVER! It's stupid and dangerous. Unless you are sitting in traffic moving at an inch a minute of course. And I was. So it's fine, really.

Aunty Longlegs...

Most of the time, I think it is fantastic that my children have such good enunciation, but occasionally it has the habit of biting me in the arse!

I was in the garden with my eight year old, when she pointed out a little spider with a tiny body and long legs, saying it was across between an ant and a daddy-longlegs: "It's an anty-longlegs!"
"Oh", says I, "So it's Daddy-longlegs' sister"

"Not really, mum, that would be Aunty not anty!"

There is a look which accompanies the statement ~ It's a look that just says "Really, stop trying" ~ I see it often.

Such is the ecclectic spirit....

Daughter one received her copy of the newest Jack Wills catalogue yesterday. Following the scandal of the last edition, I was tempted to take a look - I know, I'm a sucker for negative advertising! - I couldn't help but chuckle a little at the inclusion of the words "University Outfitters" on the cover by way of addressing the fact that the crux of their previous defence was that the catalogue was aimed at the over 18's. Nevertheless, my 16 year old daughter is still on their mailing list.

I have to admit to my naivety on this topic. Daughter got a job and a bank debit card so was able to afford to buy herself a pair of those £50 trackies she'd been nagging me to buy for months before; I was more relieved at the peace than worried for her moral safety! The main point is this, though... daughter wants clothes, daughter has means to buy the clothes, daughter orders clothes online and is added to the mailing list. Ok, these kids pretend to be 18 in order to obtain their clothes, but in reality they just think they are lying for the right to buy something. In today's era of fuzzy boundaries it does not feel wrong to them. Nowhere is there a warning that the catalogue they will be sent is intended only for an adult audience. 

Even a logo on the cover would alert parents as it comes through the door, but most just pass it over thinking it's just another irrelevant, over-priced piece of junk mail.


The cynic in me wants to suggest that the 19 complainants may actually have been employees of Jack Wills. I wonder how many other older relatives of catalogue recipients have opened mail addressed to someone else this weekend and have found themselves thinking "Wow, I just love that skirt!" Have they just opened themselves up a whole new market of mums, aunties and big sisters?

I wonder if it is really as bad as we are made to think. Especially when a trawl through the music tv channels reveals far more explicit imagery without the need to pretend you are a few years older. Don't get me wrong, I agree absolutely that some of the images are inappropriate and bear no relevance to their purpose but are they worthy of such a huge media outcry?


The original reports are available from any news website, here is one for those too lazy to look for themselves!

Metro News Report - Jack Wills

Avoiding work much?

As if life wasn't already riddled with enough distractions, I found myself off on a huge tangent today!

Firstly, I am running on a brand spanking new computer, so of course had to spend 12 hours sorting my files.... well, technically I didn't, I could have just transfered the files directly, but when better to have a good clearout of all my half-completed projects!

In a lot of ways, it was quite a cathartic task. Whilst trawling through the incomplete, I stumbled across ways of combining old part-written scripts and stories with the projects I am currently working on and have found a great new way to approach a couple of my bigger jobs.

But reading every last word of every poem, note and flash-piece I have written over the last 20 years or so takes a little time... especially when some of it is such utter drivel!

I also found myself wandering through old link listings, to discover along the way that the fabulous Mark Watson is appearing not so far from home next month... "BRILL!", thought I "I'll get tickets!" So after much more piffle and time wasting, I find myself back on Mark's website... hold on a moment, another list of dates later in the year... and he's actually in my home town, saving me an hour's drive! And more importantly, it's on my olderest, besterest friendling's birthday so I can justify treating myself in order to give her a fab birthday!! Everyone wins! Ok, everyone doesn't win, as my kids would want to come along too and guess what, they can't cos it's for my friend... bonus points to me then!

Two tickets bought, front and centre!

So as a result of all the sidetracking, I am now ready at almost 10pm to start the work I was commencing at 915am.

And more annoying is that it is wind-down time, yet all this snooping through old stuff has me buzzing with inspiration so I will be writing into the wee hours!

Mark Watson's dates can be found here

First Post...

Hello to new friends and old. First post in a new blog is always a suspect one. One feels it is important to lay out a full formal introduction, but I am afraid I have never been one for laying myself bare at the outset, rather preferring to reveal myself gradually; so pop by again some time when I have felt the need to add more.

What should you expect from this blog? Well, I generally have plenty to say, sometimes worthwhile literary contributions, sometimes drivelous ramblings. I am afraid you will have to suffer the nonsense to find the points of interest, but such is the way with even the best blogs of the web.

You don't have to agree with everything I write, in fact it is often better if you don't, as long as disagreement is handled in a sensible, grown-up manner! I am happy to enter into debate, but you should bear in mind that debates last as long as it takes for you to agree with me!