Sad Day (Very)

As I sit here with one song repeating on the generic digital music player I want to address my grief.

I am in a peculiar situation. I have always felt it a little pathetic when you see people shedding real tears over the deaths of people they had never met- I mean when a celebrity has died, someone I have been a genuine fan of, I will feel sad and have a moment of regret over their loss- but to actually shed tears when you never met the person, didn’t have an idea who they really were or what their true beliefs were… that’s ridiculous, right?

I still think that.

But today I have joined the ranks of the ridiculous and pathetic as I find myself shedding very real tears at the death of Beastie Boy Adam Yauch. And here’s where it gets worse… because my go-to music when I am grieving has ALWAYS been Licensed to Ill because that takes me to a time when life was pretty much as ok as it could be… and as you can imagine that is offering precious little support today no matter how many times I hear it.

So instead, I am sharing with you all like you are my therapy group or something… maybe you are, I’ve never really thought too much about it to be honest with you.

But I am hurting. In a bad way.

See I spoke recently about how there is always one member of a partnership we like more than the other and MCA was very much my Beastie boyfriend. I was in my early teens when the album arose and impressionable me created an entire impression of who he was based purely on the lines he spoke in the tracks I heard. And thus I built my ideal boyfriend out of lyric scraps…

I did say ridiculous and pathetic, didn’t I?

But anyway… imagine that your first love has died; the grief that would instil regardless whether you have seen them since or not and that is pretty much what I am feeling right now.

I was out when the news broke; hidden in the depths of the nearby town as yet seemingly untouched by the internet, so I went to a comedy show (review to follow once my emotions are processed) had a thoroughly good time, then hit the internet on my return to find the news awaiting me. And like many others I am sure, I was fully aware he was ill. In fact, I read only a couple of weeks ago that his condition was terminal. But these guys are indestructible, right? Terminal means nothing if you are immortal.

I will stop now, mostly because I have nothing new to say and am pretty much rehashing old thoughts just for the sake of writing something…

Although that is pretty much what the grieving process amounts to, isn’t it? Expressing every though, every feeling in an attempt to shed them all from our inner soul.

Either way, I need to take a few moments with the bassline reverberating through my head just to shake out the clouds.

To close, my favourite Beastie song, which has been repeating since 4pm and it’s almost 9.30 now! Doubt I’ll ever listen to it again without tearing up!




There is a beautiful tribute to Yauch on the Beasties' website

And this, from Eggsy of Goldie Lookin Chain paying tribute on the Radio 5Live Breakfast Show this morning:


Don't rest in peace, Adam:: Storm the gates and PAAAARTY!! Cos Heaven very much needs livening up!

Insomniac Revelations

Not slept at all… which I am sure bodes well for anything I try to write, but what can I say…

In truth, it has been a night of revelation and self-discovery as I lay pondering over life and its many sufferings. I should say that I do very much believe in the power of a shuffled media player to bring up the very messages we need to hear at certain times - which might sound silly to some of you, but I truly have all too often noticed the relevence. Given that I am working on my netbook right now, I have a very limited selection though… the only music on this computer is the stray folder I found a few days ago containing a handful of queen tracks so once I caught up with my weekend radio (had to listen to the Rhod Gilbert show again, cos the boys were hilarious this week and Gareth Gwynn’s show is on far too early on a Sunday for any normal person to listen live!) I set the twenty or so Queen tracks to play on shuffle… and as I pondered over the greater points of life, I couldn’t help but notice the order in which they appeared…

As I started to think about everything that is wrong with my life right now, I heard ‘Stone Cold Crazy’ – a statement which does very well describe my current state of mind!
I moved to writing something about the hub-creature and about how there are days the end seems so close when within an hour or so it can suddenly seem for a moment that everything could just be okay… for a moment… and as I paused in my writing to think on the next point referencing his recent comment that he was just “waiting to die”, I realised the soundtrack to these thoughts was ‘Hammer to Fall’ – I’ll not elaborate on the poignancy but to highlight the next track to flow by; ‘The Night Comes Down’…

Then as I wrote out all the heartbreak, I found myself making some huge decisions regarding work etc (I mean HUGE! I’d tell you all about it, but this post will be dull enough, so I don’t think I will!) … to the tune of ‘Keep Yourself Alive’.

And as I closed my book on all the thoughts I had captured throughout the long night, I was faced with this from Doing All Right:

‘Yesterday my life was in ruin, today I know what I am doing. I’ve got a feeling I should be doing alright’

So today begins a new chapter… although I am unsure as to just how productive I will actually be considering I am now starting to feel sleepy yet it is time to wake baby for school… but such is life I guess!

From the Brains of the Undead

Just a quick how-do so you all know I am still around.


The funk hit me for a time, which has been replaced with some sort of viral sinussy thing which really sucks!


Just so you know I am doing things:

A couple of reviews in progress, some radio stuff, some TV stuff and the BRILLIANT Charlie Baker/Josh Widdicombe combo I was lucky enough to get to last week. (ok, maybe a bit of a spoiler there, but can't be helped!)

I have been working on a pretty exciting A-Z type project, currently writing the bits I want to write in a haphazard manner so will upload those once they start to resemble the alphabet! The facebook requests will be combined within this so if there are any more you want, get in touch (facebook, twitter, email all linked to the right!)


What else? Loads... I'll get back to this at some point!

Oh yeah, I have translated a bit more of the Elis James C2 thingy:

HERE


Just lately I have been re-introduced to the wonder that is Boothby Graffoe... can't remember my earliest 'encounter' with him, but this is the oldest clip I can find online. He is one of few comedians who has changed absolutely nothing about his comedy over the years and yet his new material is as fresh as ever! (Should save that for his entry in the A-Z I guess, but I gotta sell you all on him cos he's fab!)




Buy his new album here:


Absolutely CRACKING songs!!

That is all...

In Summation...

I know, you think I have forgotten all about posting here… sorry! I have been hugely busy on another very important project – and something I have loved working on, so have not felt the need to be avoiding anything by talking drivel here… that said, there are a couple of reviews to post – although they may be a little late in coming, so more of a “look out for repeats” notice in some cases, but I have tried!

By way of a part-Sunday-Summary-part-humdrum-post (because lets face it, we don’t need two separate posts do we?) here are some of the things I started to tell you about over the weekend:

(And yes, I am fully aware it is Monday, but since I have not yet slept, technically I am still in Sunday – and what?)

Firstly, much love to all the mums, those who were mums, those who wish to be mums, those who have lost their own mother figures, to aunties and godmothers who act as a second mum and to grandmothers who are the ultimate in mum-ness – big love to womankind as a whole on Mothering Sunday.

I have some amazing memories of Mothering Sundays throughout my life. As a youngster, it was the one day my brother and I did not fight, as we joined forces to raid mum’s garden for flowers and demolish the kitchen to make her a special breakfast. Looking back, she probably dreaded the day. I can only imagine the fear with which she went to bed; looking from the window over her immaculate garden with despair knowing that we would have torn out the best blooms, trampled the newly emerging seedlings, inadvertently pulled roots from the ground in an attempt at pulling a flower free from its plant; the despondency as she cleaned the kitchen in the evening, already anticipating walking in the next day to find spills, crumbs, dirty dishes and chaos. She never said a word, though. It must have broken her heart that the flowers she lovingly devoted hours to tending could be so easily destroyed, yet she never once asked us “don’t do that again”; having to spend an hour cleaning the kitchen before being able to prepare lunch added to her load rather than giving her any thoughts of a day of pampering and leisure, but still she allowed us to do it each and every year. She must have struggled with every mouthful of her ‘relaxing’ breakfast in bed, more resentful with each bite… yet she endured it all knowing that our intentions at least were good.

And it is in the same spirit that I endured being awoken at some ungodly hour this morning by baby presenting two gifts from her and child one; a nice “top mum” mug and a token box containing five chocolates, then acting as peacekeeper in the ensuing argument once Child one awoke at around lunchtime and realised she had been cut out of the handover. Now you might think five chocolates is a measly amount to give a person, but in truth I don’t really like chocolate much and having opened my gifts first thing, I duly ate the five only to realise that was truly my limit. One more and I would not have been able to do the mandatory “stuffing your face with your gift” thing… so they did alright there; they can boast that they gave their mum a box of chocolates which she devoured alone, I don’t have to eat until I puke just to avoid seeming ungrateful and they haven’t wasted vast amounts of cash on purchasing unnecessary chocolates at inflated prices… so we are all happy.

Except I am not, but that is a whole other issue… the loneliness of my life hit me hard today. I have not seen the hub-person for a few days – he sends a child down once in a while with a demand for sandwiches or milk or to ask have I performed particular chores yet – but lately he has slept right through the day, so I have not needed to pander to him. So the bigger child-people have been in their rooms all day, hub-creature sleeping, baby outside playing – and I needed to go see my own mum. No-one wanted to come with me so I went alone, had a quick visit of dropping of her gifts (a cracking bottle of wine and a box of Black Magic – the latter supposed to be an ironic gesture which was completely lost on mum, as she was overjoyed at them! “I haven’t seen Black Magic for years! Wow, thanks!!”) and a cup of tea, before setting off for home.

Now when I am feeling low, I tend to drive it off; so before leaving mum’s I loaded up the stereo with Judas Priest then cranked it up loud and tore up the countryside!

And felt loads better by the time I arrived home an hour or so later to find all the child-people in the front room, happily getting along. Much like a disturbed rats nest they instantly dispersed back to their corners of the house, so I set upon my own Mothering Sunday gift to myself: a luscious bottle of Rioja and a giant bag of Tangfastics (because I am so refined!) whilst allowing Carl McCoy to serenade me for the rest of the evening...bliss!


So that was yesterday in a nutshell… what of the rest of the week?

Well, the only new post here last week was my review of the somewhat unimaginatively titled Sarah Millican’s Television Programme.

I make no apologies for the void– I was busy. Last week saw a flurry of commission requests so I spent a lot of time pondering over what I wanted to do and what I didn’t. I also spent a lot of time trying to write for that other blog, but have discovered some things are hard to write about. I have also found that my mind strangely veers to one topic no matter what I try to write, so have had to deal with that first – which I didn’t want to, so haven’t really done much there either…

Strangely, however, I have found plenty of time to make updates on the raging fangirl page. I worry it is becoming something of an obsession, but am fairly sure it is still within a healthy level so it’s fine! Oh and I made a static page – because I can. It relates to the fangirl thing, although is a *little* more professional. Find it here: Korkeys Six Nations Page

In all honesty, I know those of you who have no interest in the scrumptiousness that is Mr C think I am just time-wasting on these little projects but in actual fact it is helping me no end. I have learned a lot of new HTML techniques, gotten to grips with some graphics software I’ve had for ages and never used, learned loads of new SEO tips and had the opportunity to be a little visually creative… all useful for other more sensible posts!!

So to the week ahead:

Well, it’s my birthday in T-minus two days… which means three things:
1. I might be a proper mardy-arse for the next couple of days – you have been warned
2. I suspect I will hit an all-time low on Wednesday so should certainly be avoided then
3. By the weekend the annual funk should have started to lift (as that is usually the way!) so things will start to resemble normality around here!

Some fun stuff coming up, too. I am trying to avoid making promises of stuff to come, as I often do not get around to fulfilling and that just creates a whole issue of trust and broken promises… it all gets messy from there-in…

But… I am working on a *little* animation project (not drawn by me – a second guest contributor! How exciting!!) as well as trying to piece together something on episode two of Korkey’s Six Nations (I’ll announce updates through the usual means!)

Oh and *shock/horror* remember that panto thing last Christmas?… well, news on that front too… (okay, some might use the word Sell-out, but I don’t think it counts if you aren’t being paid, does it?)

One other thing, too… I have answered the issue of anonymity before, but I feel the need to clarify certain things.

I am perfectly happy for people who stumble across this blog to know who I am. In all honesty, there are so many clues here that someone who does know me would easily identify me. That said, because there are references to aspects of my home life of which not all are aware, I do not want that people can just search the web for me and land here… so that is why I hide behind a pseudonym created by my smallest child-person. Personally I do not see the contraversy in anonymity, but it seems to bother some. It is suggested that it says I am not being honest about who I am, but in reality I am more myself for being nameless than I would otherwise be able to be... so sorry if it doesn't suit, but you do only have to ask! I make no claims to be something/someone I am not and will openly answer any questions, so quite frankly my choice as to whether my name is emblazoned across this blog should not matter a jolt to anyone.

I should also say that the FE facebook identity has a few people on the friendlist who would rather not have their personal facebook available to those they do not know, so by having a separate persona I am helping them too.

I feel there should be a stonking payoff for your efforts at having read so much... not sure if I have posted this gem from Elis James before but it's a clip I very much love, so I hope you enjoy it too!

One Cloud in a Clear Blue Sky

Okay, I’ll ‘fess up! I am hiding. Badly, I’ll admit, but hiding nonetheless.

In fact, the only way to describe my current hiding mode would be in the form of a tiny anecdote:

I have a brother-in-law who was only three when our families first encountered one another. I used to entertain him when his parents visited mine and one of the things he loved was hide-and-seek. I being a teenager far more interested in chilling on the sofa secretly listening in to the grown-ups’ conversation would let him be the perpetual hider. It suited me, as I had more time of playing without really engaging in the game but it also was good for him – he was effectively an only child, his brothers being more than twenty years his senior and had precious little chance to play his favourite game, so loved to hide.

So he’d hide. And count. And wait. And call out “You can’t find me!” And wait some more. Then I’d call his name. “Yes?” “Where are you?” “In the kitchen; under the table!” And I’d ‘find’ him. And act surprised when I did. And he never learnt to ignore my call; neither did he tire of being found in this way. So we played for hours – every time he visited.

That’s how I am hiding right now… maybe not under the table having seen the amount of food my kids drop in one meal, perhaps behind the full-length curtains – that seems a fitting place to be… but if you call me I’ll surely answer… if you are a person I want to engage with, of course. If I so choose, I may just follow the rules and not respond. Such is the power of choice.


The cloud of post-Christmas seems to be descending which I know will remain until some time just after my birthday in March. It is a little later than usual but hopefully it will not remain longer to makeup for it: I have plans for April/May for which I need to be functioning! I hadn’t actually realised I was succumbing at all until yesterday when having decided to break for a coffee at around half-one I was awoken by a phone-call from the mum of one of baby’s school friends “Do you want me to bring her home?” SHIT!!! It was twenty past three… school finishes at five past. Thankfully, that friend was coming our way anyway and there is a contingency plan baby knows to follow just in case there is ever an emergency with the hub and I don’t get to the school in time, but nevertheless to sleep through the school run is the worst kind of bad parenting!

In my defence (if there is justification for such an occurrence) I have been ill; beyond the non-flu of the last couple of weeks I have not slept for more than three hours at a time since shortly before Christmas and at some point became a person who sleeps on the sofa (detachment and other excuses) In all honesty, the stress of waking so regularly and feeling the need to check for signs of breathing is just too much so I chose to remove myself from the situation. I thought I might start to sleep properly, but after almost a month that does not seem to have happened. It is nice, though, to have the freedom to walk around the house, to maybe read my book for a while or listen to a little music without worrying that my noisy efforts to be quiet will disturb the hub-creature. But I realise this is far from normal.

So that is how today finds me; having started the year in a fairly positive way, now sinking into a pit of self-doubt, insecurity and worthlessness.

Oh, and it’s baby’s birthday this weekend – for which I have done no preparation beyond buying presents. Luckily, though, I spent two days earlier in the week doing some recipe development on a healthy sponge cake for a food blog I work on so at least have my baking head on!

But anyway…

More upbeat stuff to come, I promise… just needed to vacuum this fluff and fuzz out of my head to give room for the other thoughts to bounce around!

And because I love her music and feel more people should be aware of her existence, here’s a tune from Amy Newton:

Acknowledging Gary Speed

You will all be perfectly aware that I have precious little knowledge of spectator sports in general, with near zero knowledge of football. That said, I do want to take a moment or two to acknowledge the suicide this weekend of Gary Speed.

His was a name with which I had a vague familiarity; that said, I did have to google him on signing into facebook to find some 30 or so of my friends had posted statuses referring to his unfortunate death… and for those who still have no idea who he was, here is a link to more information.

This is not another blog of “what a great loss to football”; there are ample tributes around the web from people to whom his passing meant a great deal more than it did to me. I want to discuss the way this has highlighted the subject of depression and mental health in general.

Living with someone with severe depression, I know how difficult a condition it is to manage on a day-to-day basis. People who have never encountered it simply cannot understand and I often find myself engaged in arguments following the line of “If he just got on with his life he would soon cheer up!” – If it were that simple, would there really be the need for such a huge amount of different medications? Surely if there were a way to make all sufferers of depression better without turning them into drug-zombies it would be used quite prolifically? Not only that, but in our case there is no life for him to get on with, so where do you begin?

I am sure it is another of those postcode-lottery issues, but mental health provision on the NHS is in our experience seriously lacking – and certainly something which needs more attention. I know that during a particularly dark phase here, the hub-person told our doctor he was feeling like ending it all and was told he could be referred to the mental health team, but that there was a waiting list of 18 months… what is the point in a system that has people waiting that long? For the most part, talking to a doctor about such things means you have already suffered quite some time; no-one just wakes one morning feeling a little down and goes straight to the doctor, do they? And in our case, the decision was “Don’t bother”; hub’s attitude at that point being by the time he was seen he’d either be over it or would have made the decision to end things.

A few years ago now a friend of my first-born discovered the body of her father after he had committed suicide. I remember at the time the hub-person spoke about how selfish an action it was; in spite of also being close to the same state of desperation himself. I remember feeling anger at that time, unable to understand how he could see how selfish the other dad had been but not how his actions were much the same. Of course, years down the line I understand that selfishness and self-involvement are as much a part of the condition, but it takes a long time to come to this realisation and few people are able to stick by the sufferer long enough to reach a point of fully understanding all the symptoms and indicators.

This is a topic I really could harp on about forever, but since this really is not the place for such seriousness I will close on this note:

I do not want my readers here to think I am setting myself up as some sort of saint, being fully accepting of hub’s condition and treating him with kindness and patience. I am a bitch. I am aware of that. Whilst I understand that his actions are a result of his symptoms, I still hold resentment for his ability to spend his life in bed; summoning food at will, demanding assistance with dressing and washing, having no responsibility for housework, childcare or finances; when he tells me to hide the key for his medications, part of me thinks “Why should I?” – although, of course, I do!

But anyway; just for a few days at least, the world is thinking about how people like the hub cope with life; about how hard it is to get through each day when you don’t know that you want to face tomorrow. People who are aware of their own condition are able to say “actually, I could be that person – maybe I need help?”

And if off the back of such tragedy, just one person is able to find their way out of the darkness or help another to manage their condition, then surely this means such a high-profile death of one so popular has not been in vain.

Pushing Through....

I asked recently for some of my friends to share their methods for coping with the funk… and since I now find myself in deeper mire than before I guess it is time I formulate people’s thoughts into a cohesive coping mechanism.


Firstly, I should acknowledge the helpful souls who (rather predictably) offered up such wisdom as: “Man up!” “Stop moaning!” or my favourite “Shut the F*** up!!” These deserve first mention because this is the leaning of those nearest and dearest to me, so whilst not particularly constructive this is the tone of the advice I will mostly end up following.

So thank you friends, family and my closest co-workers; you are a fabulous bunch of people indeed, least of all for actually caring enough to respond to my call.


One friend (one of those irritating people who always completes projects weeks before deadline – you have at least one of those friends yourself I am sure!) told me simply “keep writing”. Reflecting on our youth, she reminded me of the fact that I felt compelled to write back then because I had so much negativity within my soul I needed to get out. I really cannot remember when I last just wrote in that way; possibly during my second pregnancy, but even then not to the extent I had as a teen but it has to make a difference. If nothing else, at least this allows me to process my emotions and make some sort of sense of them; and who knows, maybe there could be some useful gems standing out amidst the inevitable twaddle.


Knowing of my great love for photography a few people suggested heading out with my camera looking for those moments of minute beauty I so love. Unfortunately at the moment getting away from home is not possible… and yes, this is possibly contributing in no small way to the low mood swings but I did get out into the garden for a while last week and have some cracking macro images to show for my efforts. I was also able to get some images to accompany future blog posts which are part written so I am for once ahead of myself… don’t get too used to it though.


It wasn’t really until being sent an email describing one person’s method of dealing with their own clinical depression that I realised I see it in practice on an almost daily basis and have often applauded it without it actually occurring to me that it could help me in any small way. It is a simple task of personification; creating a character of the thing which hits you hardest and dealing with it as a living creature. A very dear friend has an illness which can be severely debilitating at times; this illness is given a human name, a personality and most importantly weaknesses. Through this mechanism my friend is able to keep her poor health from controlling her, as is the person who suggested it.

As stated by my friend in his lengthy email: “I just made up the character of Clint [surname Frown] as a means of coping, but as a creative person I am sure you could make a whole world in which your woes could all live happily together”

Makes me think of the Mr Men stories in a slightly different way!


By far the sagest advice I had came as one would expect from my mother: “avoidance is certainly not the answer”.
She is right, of course, because in order to avoid dealing with the things which are making me feel down I am firstly keeping them in the forefront of my mind throughout. Secondly, whilst I am trying to shut out certain factors, I am closing myself off to a lot of other aspects which could ultimately help with processing my issues such as friends, family members, work and just living my life.

So there; do not ever tell me I don’t listen to you all! I do – well I try to anyway!

And whilst these methods might not be able to help with my current phase of sadness, the next unexplained funk will be far simpler to deal with.








And having talked of sadness, I shall just close with a silent tribute.

A dear friend lost a very close family member recently and whilst it would be glib for me to suggest that I could know the pain she feels, I can certainly imagine a fraction of it; so I close by sending thoughts of love and healing to a family who have already had enough to deal with this year so really did not deserve to be hit with a tragedy right now and by wishing a safe journey to the next world to a wonderfully strong, organised, hard-working, independent young woman whose work in this life was far from finished.

Be at peace.

xx

Playing Catch-up!

I know, I have been remiss, neglectful, yada-yada.

In all fairness during my sabbatical I have managed to complete a couple of scripting projects but that matters little to my readers here I know, so I am sorry. Not much more I can do than apologise really. I guess if I cared enough I could track down each and every one of my regular readers and present you all with an individually hand-made gift of epic proportions, but all that would do is slow down the writing process further – so just be grateful I am back!

So sadly for you all, this is destined to be one of those irritating catch-up posts filling in all the minutia of my life since my last post!

Just how have I filled my time?

Well, mostly I have been in a funk… and sadly I am not a person to embrace a state of depression with the spirit of “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”; I am not a person who will tell the world “I am feeling low, cheer me up”; I cannot push through it and write regardless: my mechanism? I hide. So that is where I have been… hiding from all who could possibly help drag me out of the mist and ignoring all but the most important messages from the outside world.

I know there are a few writers looking in here once in a while, share your coping mechanisms please! How do you still write even when the world seems so dark? Any tips but “Man Up”….


The day-to-day plods on as normal really. Kids are home for the hols. The oldest has changed career plan again, but I am confident this new direction is altogether more achievable, realistic and most importantly more her than previous plans. Miss-middle collects her first set of GCSE results tomorrow. Bizarre that they have to endure the results process twice nowadays, but I guess it means they don’t have to worry about a heap of exams crammed into a few weeks; not that it did us “older folk” any harm, did it?! She is filled with plans for the future and very much looking forward to what awaits us!

The hub-creature is still hanging in there. Not much to report really, other than that he seems able to do less and less each day. Part of me wishes they’d hurry and give him a date for his operation, but I don’t dare chase them up in case the date they give confirms what I already suspect…

With all that in mind, plans are still going ahead for the big move! I thought I had found my location; beautiful scenery, an amazing house with some land and fabulous mountain views and great prices on commercial property. I found I could afford to buy both the house and a little shop for the price my current smaller house is valued at which was quite an exciting prospect.

I had forgotten about this, but I once visited a psychic who told me I “Over-researched” things… maybe that is what I have done now! Funny how stuff just throws itself to the front of your mind once in a while isn’t it?
Anyway, being a little cynical of the relatively inexpensive property prices I approached an old school friend who lives in Wales for information on the town itself, only to be told that was an area to avoid… I am grateful for the information, that was precisely why I asked him – it’s a big deal for me and I didn’t want to be stuck once I arrived finding it wasn’t a nice place to live but that I could not sell the house on; I had focussed much of my research of schools and colleges in that area though, so have now had to backtrack slightly!
I have since looked at things slightly differently (with his help, as he encouraged me to think a little deeper about what I actually want rather than just looking at available properties) and have decided that region had little of what I actually want anyway. Google streetview is very much my best friend right now, as I trawl the streets of prospective home-towns seeking out places with all the features I need. I have narrowed my search to two possibilities, but have not yet approached the Dark Destroyer of Dreams with them; maybe I am too scared he might tell me they are not great either! Regardless, little is worse than this town right now so I am confident any move will be a positive one!

So that’s the condensed version of where I am at right now – bet you are mighty glad I kept it concise aren’t you?!

Thank you all for sticking with me it does mean a lot that I can just pickup again and know that you have waited for me!

I don’t know why, but I always feel I should have a piece of media, either video or photograph, to complete a post…

What feels relevant now?

Crank it up loud, cycle on your bicycle and leave the misery behind!