Dedication to the Loveless

As I am sure is the case for the majority of my fellow loveless Valentiners, I have spent so many years frantically hiding from the grand bullshit festival of love and loneliness. It never works, though; the incessantly blissful will need to share their joy, the miserable needing to share how down-hearted they feel thus bringing you down; not into their pit of despair, rather to the ground in order that you can dig your own.

No, far better to acknowledge the day so you can really piss in its face!

So as a tribute to the Valen-lones everywhere; a tale or two and a few images I have scratched from the internet.

The pictures here are clearly not my own. I have linked each to the place I stole it from, so if you like the image at all please visit its rightful home, it’s only fair to those who created them.

I have never been lucky enough to receive a Valentine’s Day card. No, wait; there was that one, accompanied by a mediocre excuse for an engagement ring.




I was sixteen and truly believed that having risked his employment to slip the cash from the till with which to buy the ring was the most romantic thing a guy could ever do; we were like Bonnie and Clyde… no, better than that- he was my St Elmo’s Rob Lowe. He would be the Brad Pitt to my Juliette Lewis in that Bonnie-and-Clyde-based film… you know the one? The one which hadn’t been released yet…
Most importantly; my parents hated him. And supremely important: once he suggested engagement, they banned him.

The reality was that I didn’t much like him at all; I mistrusted everything he said, loathed his syrupy bullshit ‘poetry' and despised his (had the word been invented then) chavvy family. Seriously, were Jeremy Kyle around then spouting his bilious arrogance, yelling opinion-disguised-as-fact at the drug-infused, booze soaked benefit fraudsters across the nation, this family would have been prime candidates for weekly stage seats. No doubt.

But did I mention that my parents hated him? And that they had forbidden me to see him? In all honesty, that ban would have made me marry him, just to show them I was in charge of my own life.

And so it was that a few days after a romantic dinner in an otherwise empty restaurant (not actually on Valentine’s of course, everyone knows they up the price of their food on the day – and midweek dining out is always better!) I accepted his ring in spite of my parents. And gave him my own token gift in return.
Now it is said that if you give the greatest gift of all for the wrong reasons it leads to remorse, regret and self-loathing. In all honesty, for me it was a box ticked. One less thing all my friends had done that I hadn’t. And we all know how I like to complete my lists.

Days later, his thieving caught up with him, causing him to lose his job. And what I mean is that after I mentioned it to another waitress who happened to have her eyes on the newly vacant Head Waitress post it became subject to pillow-talk between her and the husband of our boss; she was promoted, my ‘fiancé’ was escorted from the grounds by some burly builder friends of the boss.

It will come as precious little surprise that in spite of our resolve otherwise, this relationship crumbled to be already on very shaky ground by my birthday less than a month after, he laying the coffin-lid in place by Easter and I firmly nailing it closed weeks later, but there are other stories of no consequence to anyone there.

So that is it; my one romantic Valentine’s story. I hope the sentiment hasn’t truly quashed the anti-Valentine tone here! I do genuinely hope it hasn’t dragged you down. It isn’t supposed to. I embrace that memory firmly as a part of who I have become and what my life represents. In fact, one thing that makes me think about how great my life has actually been is when I think on what I would have become had I stuck out that relationship, overlooked what he did, not slept with that other guy – or done the other thing. And I believe that is the point of these Valentines of Loneliness; a point of reflection, to assess how well you are actually doing and learn the lessons you haven’t learned from the past.

I hear you calling out: This is all very well, but you are focussing on what you have received… what have you given? After all, if you do not give Valentines, how can a person complain at not receiving any?
Well, for a few years at Primary school (okay, two, maybe three) I gave anonymously as was the way back then to the one now referred to as the Dark Destroyer of Dreams . Although I outgrew that particular infatuation once we moved to ‘Big School’ and found there were a great deal more boys than the fifteen or so at my school – you know, when there is a greater selection we can afford to be a little more picky!

And I may once or twice have sent a card to my neighbour. Bear in mind, this is a rural neighbour, so was almost a mile away and rarely seen. He did that clever trick all people we see infrequently can do, whereby he’d get more and more attractive until I actually saw him again when it was all "I thought he was better looking than that!" and “was he always quite that ginger?”

Oh, and for the first five or so of the twenty years I have been with the hub-person I gave him cards; before realising he would never surprise me with a return card or that huge romantic gesture I always anticipated; at which point I decided I could either continue to give, feigning no interest in receiving anything yet still expecting it and being deeply disappointed or I could resign myself to reality.

Reality sucks ass; but is cheaper and doesn’t take time out of my day or cause the expectation/disappointment peak and trough.

I hope this Valentine brings you all what you truly need; but remember that as in all things, it may be that what you need right now is not actually what you want, so be patient. And be happy. Whatever your situation, remember that it could be a whole lot worse.