So I am side-stepping the Cardiff Festival stuff for just a moment as something happened this week which had me returning to a piece I started to write quite a while ago but had not felt particularly inspired to finish.
I wanted to talk a little about fandom.
See here’s what happened this week… which will seem quite minor to some, but was actually a really big deal to me.
I write for a fiction website; nothing huge, I just send a couple of stories a month and they get published in an ad hoc fashion. The last ones that went live resulted in a message being forwarded from the site owner from a regular reader… my first proper fan mail!! Yay! Really excited… I mean I’ve had feedback through that site before, but this was emailed directly to the owner and talked about how she looked out for my stories in particular, that there was something in them that reached out, that it seemed I spoke to her personally… just generic stuff, but I just felt absolutely overwhelmed by it.
And that reminded me of something…
A while ago I emailed *generic comedian* an account of how much their work brought to a life such as mine. (regular readers will know but as I am aware of a recent influx of newcomers, I’ll simply say that my life is inherently pretty shit… you can read more about it by picking through the posts or check my other blogs for the full details, I really won’t go into it right now though as that is not my purpose today!) The response I received expressed surprise to the effect that this person had never considered that they could make a difference to anyone’s life; that they are just dicking about really without even thinking too much about what they are doing.
I read his reply at the time with bewilderment. I had almost wanted to respond with something along the lines of “How could you not know? You are BLANK FUCKING BLANK, for pity’s sake!!” – I didn’t; thankfully. But I genuinely could not understand how he did not realise how important making people laugh, giving them the opportunity to close their mind to all their worries and hardships and just be, for even the shortest of times really is.
I do wish I was the kind of person who saved emails as I’d like to re-read his words now with some sort of inkling as to what he meant, because I don’t ever really think about the words when writing for that site. Whilst writing here has me stop and think, constantly drafting and re-wording, when writing fiction the words just kind of fall out of my head right onto the page – there is no thought whatsoever given to them. And I guess that in a way is what he meant; that because what he does isn’t pre-written, it is effectively just chatting with a friend so has the same process of not really being work, it just happens.
This isn’t the only thing, though.
There was another person I felt compelled to communicate with some time ago; we’ll call him Comedian B.
A friend and I travelled quite a distance to see Comedian B; I with the hub-person in a very dark phase, my friend having just lost a very close family member in a horrific accident with another of equal closeness receiving treatment for a particularly invasive cancer. The both of us were really at the point of giving in, absolutely drained from our efforts at looking after everyone around us. The change we both felt, though, after just a couple of hours of listening to that person throwing jokes at us was amazing. We travelled home feeling lighter, refreshed and once again ready to grab life by the balls, give them a twist and make it known we weren’t to be fucked with.
And that, in essence, was what I told Comedian B. That he on that occasion had changed our lives so much more than he could ever imagine.
And the response was similar; it’s just a job; I do the same thing day in, day out without a real thought; changes as a result of my show come from you, not me… um, no it doesn’t. If that were true we could sit at home and save ourselves the money for fuel, tickets, parking etc and just cheer up; we can’t; we need someone to help with the switching off of our minds and engaging of our funny muscles…
And there-in lies the true essence of fandom. Not the blind, shrieking fangirl nonsense, I am far too old for that bullshit nowadays; but a quiet appreciation of all that a person and their efforts bring to your life; the assurance that as long as they are prepared to continue to provide the goods you will always find exactly what you want or need in their spoils.
And why The Scream? Just look at her face... she's the ultimate fangirl. Behind the artist, a devillishly handsome comedian has just entered the room... I shan't describe him, use your imagination; he could really be anyone you want him to be.
He might even be a woman....
But he isn't.
Not in my mind, anyway.
And on that note, I bid you adieu - for now!
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