YELLOW CAR: A Simple Guide

Ok, a little nonsensical fluff for a Friday!

Not procrastinating… definitely not avoiding anything.

Ok, maybe I *could* be working on something new, something part fiction part auto-biographical; I *may* have reached a stage at which I need to face up to some emotional shit I’d rather not deal with; it is *possible* I could be trying to delay the inevitable tears until later.

But anyway, it’s Friday – who wants to be dragged down on a Friday?

I have no idea where ‘Yellow Car’ comes from or indeed how my children came to start playing. There was some point though, maybe when the older kids were around ten and twelve at which they were suddenly playing and teaching baby this most irritating game. It seems there are a great many people unfamiliar with Yellow Car and since I had to recently explain the game to a friend after their child reported having been hit by my own I figured I’d share with you all as a matter of public service; just to avoid misunderstandings and the possibility of beatings.

Objective:

It’s a simple premise; see a yellow car, hit those around you before they hit you. As you hit, you must call “Yellow Car” and it is generally a good idea to close with a “no returns” before the victim calls a backsy on you.

Nothing more to it really, although baby is something of a tactical genius, so has a few play-winning strategies. I will get to those in a moment though.

So what are the rules?

Yes, there are rules to the game; it is “not an excuse to just randomly hit your children without worrying about social services stepping in, Mum!!”

Who knew?

The Rules:

• In order to be considered ‘In play’ the subject car must be visible to all participating in the game, regardless of whether or not they have physically seen it.
• The yellow car must be in transit in order to count. Calling on a car which is not in motion results in a penalty, causing all present to be allowed to hit you back simultaneously regardless of a “no returns” call.
• If you are also travelling in a vehicle, ‘tagging’ your driver is not allowed. However, the driver is allowed to tag the front seat passenger if they consider it safe to do so, with the impact of the tag being dependent on such factors as the quality of music being selected by said passenger, navigational skills and general driver support being provided. Failure to adhere to this rule will result in the disqualification of front seat passenger from all rounds of “Shotgun” until such time as the infraction is forgotten by either driver or other passengers.
• A yellow car seen on more than one occasion may only be subject to a round of tags once per journey.
• If in a yellow car, the game counts only for vehicles other than that which you are riding in. (Really?? I was disappointed to discover this rule as I have often dreamt of buying a yellow car just so I could drive around the streets punching chavs! Gutted that I can’t even get my kids back by hitting them at random points during journeys!)

Tactical Plays

1. Memorise all driveways/parking areas with yellow cars in them. Chances are that either on a return journey or another day you might catch one of these cars manoeuvring within the confines of its home space. Other players will not be prepared for these; therefore you should achieve a full-sweep.
2. When walking familiar routes, remember previous sightings. When you feel it is almost time, say something to the person/people you are with. Speak quietly in order that they need to look at you to ask “What did you say?” – if you have timed your move correctly, at this point the yellow car should approach, giving you full scope to win the round. (really – I fall for this every day on the school run! You’d think I’d learn!) Distraction can also be achieved by such actions as faking a trip, dropping something or by making a random spin causing those with you to worry you might fall into the road.
3. If riding in the back of the car, choose the centre seat at all times. This firstly gives a full view of the road ahead and also puts you in the prime spot to carry out a multiple attack, thus increasing chances at a full sweep.
4. If in the front seat, create an excuse for turning your attention towards the rear of the vehicle before making the call. It is most likely you are the only one to have seen the car, so you have a little time to spare to get into a good position. You will then find you are better placed to carry out a speedy attack.
5. Should there be more than one potential tag recipient present, timing is crucial. Make the call as hitting the second victim, this decreases the chance of other players getting you before you get them.
6. It might be tempting to start with the weaker of your group; this would be the completely wrong approach. When dealing with stronger, the element of surprise can be the difference between a win and a loss, therefore start with the strongest and work down.

Once confident with the game, I am sure you will be able to create your own plays; these are just a few displayed by my children and are a good base to make the game fun.

Remember to play safe! Do not distract the driver at any point during the game and don’t hit your opponents any harder than they could hit you back later!