Just in Case

Ordinarily I steer clear of politics… I’ve explained why before so won’t go into it again now!

The thing that pisses me off most when you start declaring a political stance on anything is the dependence on the level of intelligence of those reading it. And since I don’t doubt the intelligence of my readership here, I will use this place to rant… because the world is clearly filled with morons incapable of understanding a throwaway statement of glibness.

A friend had posted something on their own blog with reference to the ‘Pasty Tax’ and the current queues for fuel, stamp prices etc… to which I made the remark:

“Well, I live in the home of pasties so we make our own, my car has all the fuel I will need for the few trips I make and I mail probably around four items a year so am feeling very let down by the government; when will they give me something to complain about.”

I should say it isn’t a particularly political blog, it’s a personal space for ranting and as such is visited mostly by friends and family – so I gauged that my comment would be ok and for the most part it was – except for one person who came by the post and replied that I was obviously “far too rich” for my own good and that if I wasn’t worried for our future I must live a very privileged existence, blah-blah- WTF!!!


Of course I am worried:

I live in the region with the highest water bills, highest council tax, highest dependence on cars and lowest income in the whole frigging UK… so YES I worry for the future – but I am not filling my house with fuel, stamps and fucking pastry goods to prove my point.

Even living in a town as I do, I cannot live without a car – bus journeys cost as much as the fuel would to drive them and do not cover everywhere; being a really hilly area we use more fuel than other places; and things are generally spread over a greater distance. The hub’s hospital appointments are all at closest 56 miles away – beyond a walk even for me! So YES – I do need my car. As does everyone I know. Were public transport more affordable and available to all, then maybe more people would be able to do away with their vehicles, but it is just not practical.

So yes, I am worried at the ever-increasing cost of fuel and at the possibility that there might not be any – but I am more worried at the nature of the people who are filling can after can and stockpiling the bloody stuff ‘just in case’.


And yes, food prices concern me greatly. I have three children and a disabled husband to provide for. I could be far better off financially were I to stop working and just claim benefits but I choose not to – and I do worry that at some point this choice might bite me in the ass as prices grow higher and higher – might there come a time I can no longer afford to put food in people’s mouths? Maybe – but I am not giving in now ‘just in case’.


And in all honesty, big whoop if stamps cost more; if you mail enough stuff that it really makes a difference to you maybe you should be looking into using a delivery service already? There are plenty of them around, many far more reliable than Royal Mail. Or maybe think about whether you really need to be mailing paper at all.

Or just buy a hundred stamps now – ‘just in case’.



So don’t tell me I am out of touch with reality – I am fully aware of how shit the world is.

I choose to ignore it and worry instead about the things I actually have it within my power to change and/or control…


So shut the fuck up, yeah? – Just in case!!

Hit the Road Jack

In this show, we see Jack Whitehall travel the UK giving his take on each place through celebrity guest interviews, Beadle-esque hidden camera sketches and a night spent with residents of the host city. So far we have seen him visit both Cardiff and Newcastle.

I have to say, this surprised me greatly.

When channel four first started to laud the coming of this show, I was unsure as to whether Jack Whitehall could pull-off character work. Should you have read my review of Fresh Meat, you will see where I was coming from, I am sure. My concern at the time was that the character played by Whitehall was simply an extension of the persona he portrays onstage, so really showed little acting ability beyond any we were already seeing but I am happy to say that I really do feel the characters we see him play work.

In general, I am not a fan of the type of shows which have hidden camera pranks – even in the heyday of the format with the likes of Candid Camera I found it generally to be quite an immature, lazy excuse for comedy, although I was quite a pretentious teen! The modern wave of shows following the format seem to have an added quality of cruelty and general disregard for the people being duped which to my mind is completely unnecessary. Jack’s pranks don’t do that: they have an element of reality to them that does not leave the subject seeming (and I guess feeling) a complete tool for falling for them and as such we can just enjoy them for what they are. Ok, maybe they are not falling-about-on-the-floor funny, but entertaining-and-I’d-happily-watch-more funny… and there isn’t much more you could ask from a television show than that really, is there?

The other elements work well, too; the guests thus far have been very entertaining and taken on the spirit of the show whilst the sketches showing how Jack passed an evening with his hosts are also very funny.

You can catch the two episodes which have aired already on the 4od player by clicking the pic below:



Next episode is on Channel 4 on Tuesday at 10.35pm and obviously on +1 at 11.35… check listings for other repeats. No excuses for missing it; it’s well worth half an hour of anyone’s time!

English?

I want to return briefly to the subject of national identity following my previous posts on the topic.

I was interested to catch the introduction to a television show a few days ago which claimed it would define what it is to be English, thinking it would help in my journey to discovery.

I forget its title now and to be honest it is irrelevant as I would not suggest anyone watch it!

It started out with the boldly arrogant statement: “to be English means to be the best; to have God on your side”

So does this mean, then, that God hates everyone who is not English? Someone had better tell the rest of the Christian world, because I think they are under the impression He loves everyone equally…

And if God truly does love only the English, should we set out to please him by ridding the world of all the non-English?

I’ll just pop to the shed and get my pitchfork, eh?



I watched about ten minutes of this drivellous nonsense before deciding it was probably not going to help me much.


In fact, all I gleaned from what little I tolerated was that to be English is to be arrogant and sanctimonious; so is it any wonder I feel no affiliation to my country of domicile?


I have not been resting on my laurels over this whole subject. Given my deep roots within this place, I took lines of research which would explain the connection I feel to Wales – the hub-creature is in a really dark phase right now, though, so getting to the library to research properly is impossible; regardless I have learned much from my web-based research that has been helpful even if I make the normal assumption that only 30% of what I read online is true.

I am making the assumption that as my ancestors have been based in one area for more than three hundred years, they have maybe always been there. I know it is unwise to assume anything but to be honest although there are people who make claims to have traced their own lineage back into the earliest parts of history I find claims that this might even be possible hard to believe; also there have been DNA-based research programmes which took people who only had to be the third generation in a given area to be indigenous, so when you get beyond nine generations I very much doubt my ancestors ever made a grand hegira from the Far East or any such*

*Although rather interestingly, when I first commenced my genealogical journey, one particular such line were said to have been originated from Romany Gypsies… make of that what you will!


Shortly after discussing this topic recently, I received an email from which the following excerpt comes:

“extensive research into my own Cornish lineage brought up some strong connections between [the Cornish and Devonians] and the people of Wales. You need to go back quite far but knowing how you Devon-ish types are afraid to travel too far it is quite likely that your people have always been in the same place. I would suggest you start your research at the Saxon invasion. Of course, there might be later connections, but this time period makes for an interesting read in terms of the questions you are asking.”

Since I had no clue where to start, this seemed a logical enough suggestion.



Turning the clock back, then, to when the Jutes, Angles and Saxons arrived, settling first on the East Coast and gradually pushing the Britons (known to the invaders as the Wealsc, pronounced Welsh) further west. By the end of the century, only Wales and the Westcountry remain under Briton rule.

Image blatantly stolen from another blog so please click through to give them traffic by way of recompense!

In spite of many battles, the situation remained thus for the most part of the next 200 years or so until Somerset was also lost to the Anglo-Saxons resulting in the separation of the West Welsh of Devon and Cornwall from the Cymru Welsh forces of Wales. In spite of the well-documented battles, Wales was relativaly secure behind Offa’s Dyke, with the armies sending the clear message: “Look after your bloody selves! There is no way we are crossing the damned bridge to come save your asses!”

So it was that the people of Devon and Cornwall built barricades of trestle-tables laden with honour-box market garden stock, homemade jams and chutneys and the obligatory cream teas.

And this proved a decent enough line of defence until the arrival of the more observant Vikings who noted that some of the cream teas looked different, at which point the people of Devon realised that every one of the Cornish-made teas had its jam/cream component inverted and thus started a period of internal skirmishes which allowed the invading forces to penetrate the barrier and led to the Cornish-Welsh gathering up their goods and headed back to their own border. Thus it came to be that Devon was also lost to the invaders; although they had no intention of living here, preferring to rule the county from afar, leading to the advent of Devon as the state for second homes, regular invasions and short periods of intensive plundering occupancy it and Cornwall remain today.



My research has pulled up some other rather interesting statistical points:

This particular image depicting the affiliations across the UK through the English Civil War interested me slightly, much as because it is a period of history I am hugely interested in:

Rather notably, we can see that the regions last to cede to the original European invaders were those most resistant to Parliamentary rule… yes, those darned Europeans and their democratic ways!




I also want to mention the peculiar modern camaraderie between those coming from either the Southwest or Wales in that everyone assumes us all to be quite backward – the mandatory jokes as to whether electricity has reached certain places, do they still eat their young there and of course the instant assumption of incest and bestiality quite aside from the mockery of accents and the implications of abject stupidity. In fact, I once read a review of the comedy of a *particular* Welsh comedian (not naming names, because I don’t want to mess with the search engine thing… but you know the one!) which complained that his comedy couldn’t possibly work outside Wales because he was just “too Welsh” … I disagreed completely… having seen him perform outside Wales, I couldn’t see how other people could not simply equate his thoughts and expressions to their own circumstance… but that was a younger me who did not think as deeply about such things – I realise now that it possibly doesn’t equate to everyone… maybe only to the indigenous people!

I referred briefly at the outset to a DNA study. I want to return just to give a little more detail as I think it makes a good closure to this whole theme:

People from across England and Wales who had lived within a certain range of particular towns for at least three generations were tested. Those throughout England were found mostly to have markers reflected in certain regions of Europe which were laying claim to be the origins of the Jutes, the Angles and the Saxons; the people of Wales lacked this marker. There is no distinction as to where in England those few also void of the European marker were based, but I would like to think maybe they were here in the Southwest. Certainly in my own case it is highly likely that my family far up on the northern-most coast of Devon, hidden behind Exmoor itself were more likely to have been Welsh Britons than European English…

So I think that is where I am right now…

Am I English? Most certainly not.

I am a Briton; an original, indigenous, Celtic Briton… thus am Welsh. Devon-Welsh, but Welsh nonetheless.



I assume…

School Report Rant

Given my hoarder nature, it will surprise none of you to discover that my parents are likewise afflicted. They are currently preparing to leave the house they have occupied for some thirty six years for a smaller, more conveniently located place in town.

As an aside, this suits me greatly, as I will be better placed to make my own move without worrying for my parents struggling to cope in the middle of nowhere through another harsh winter. That said, there is a whole new concern as they face such things as central heating, mains gas and having to pay the sewage removal part of the water bill but at least I don’t have to worry about them being stranded when they aren’t able to drive along roads which are dodgy enough in good weather!

This downsizing means that they are getting brutal; collections are being disbanded, dust-gatherers sold or given away and the shredder is on burn-out over working at thirty six years worth of bank statements and quarterly electricity bills and it is from this paperwork clearance that I found myself one day last week with baby’s school report in one hand whilst clutching a bundle of my own in the other.

Reading them, I was struck by one huge factor; the glaring lack of individuality and character within the current report format. It has been this way for many years, but seeing the new style alongside my own personal reports just highlighted it all the more.

Reading the summary of each subject, I could clearly see the template the teachers start with:
This term, we have been studying [----].
[Child’s name] has worked hard across the subject to meet [his/her] targets and is currently working at a level [slightly below/slightly above/significantly above] the average expected of this age group.
[Child’s name]’s target for the term ahead is [-------]

From this standardisation of reports our children are denied the simple joy I had on that day last week as I sat with a large mug of coffee to read through the old reports, reminiscing over particular events which led to such remarks as
“an extremely active participant in class debate” - well it hadn’t started as a debate, but if someone is wrong, they need telling!
“dedicated to the completion of tasks” - after a particularly heated argument with a teacher about wanting to finish a story, which resulted in a change of lesson plan for the afternoon session from games to 'story-finishing'

and the somewhat revealing
“she seems far more actively involved in sports this school year, perhaps aided by the introduction of mixed-sex classes” - actually, true as that statement may be it was not for the reasons her words implied, merely that as the boys were naturally more competitive, games were more exciting and fun; consequently I forgot my kit less and claimed far fewer ‘early showers’ once they joined us on the hockey pitch!

But what memories will today’s reports invoke besides “Oh, I remember that year – the one when I was slightly above average in everything but reading, where I was significantly so!” - this could be any year, surely! There is nothing that will remind them of that day they made a model, played a particular game, had a certain conversation; all we are doing is churning out a generation of Insert-name-here, copy/pasted automatons completely void of any emotional involvement, personality or individuality.

Anyhoo... there is other stuff blocking my brain right now, most of it not quite so maudlin or complainy, so I shall leave this rant for now!

In Summation...

I know, you think I have forgotten all about posting here… sorry! I have been hugely busy on another very important project – and something I have loved working on, so have not felt the need to be avoiding anything by talking drivel here… that said, there are a couple of reviews to post – although they may be a little late in coming, so more of a “look out for repeats” notice in some cases, but I have tried!

By way of a part-Sunday-Summary-part-humdrum-post (because lets face it, we don’t need two separate posts do we?) here are some of the things I started to tell you about over the weekend:

(And yes, I am fully aware it is Monday, but since I have not yet slept, technically I am still in Sunday – and what?)

Firstly, much love to all the mums, those who were mums, those who wish to be mums, those who have lost their own mother figures, to aunties and godmothers who act as a second mum and to grandmothers who are the ultimate in mum-ness – big love to womankind as a whole on Mothering Sunday.

I have some amazing memories of Mothering Sundays throughout my life. As a youngster, it was the one day my brother and I did not fight, as we joined forces to raid mum’s garden for flowers and demolish the kitchen to make her a special breakfast. Looking back, she probably dreaded the day. I can only imagine the fear with which she went to bed; looking from the window over her immaculate garden with despair knowing that we would have torn out the best blooms, trampled the newly emerging seedlings, inadvertently pulled roots from the ground in an attempt at pulling a flower free from its plant; the despondency as she cleaned the kitchen in the evening, already anticipating walking in the next day to find spills, crumbs, dirty dishes and chaos. She never said a word, though. It must have broken her heart that the flowers she lovingly devoted hours to tending could be so easily destroyed, yet she never once asked us “don’t do that again”; having to spend an hour cleaning the kitchen before being able to prepare lunch added to her load rather than giving her any thoughts of a day of pampering and leisure, but still she allowed us to do it each and every year. She must have struggled with every mouthful of her ‘relaxing’ breakfast in bed, more resentful with each bite… yet she endured it all knowing that our intentions at least were good.

And it is in the same spirit that I endured being awoken at some ungodly hour this morning by baby presenting two gifts from her and child one; a nice “top mum” mug and a token box containing five chocolates, then acting as peacekeeper in the ensuing argument once Child one awoke at around lunchtime and realised she had been cut out of the handover. Now you might think five chocolates is a measly amount to give a person, but in truth I don’t really like chocolate much and having opened my gifts first thing, I duly ate the five only to realise that was truly my limit. One more and I would not have been able to do the mandatory “stuffing your face with your gift” thing… so they did alright there; they can boast that they gave their mum a box of chocolates which she devoured alone, I don’t have to eat until I puke just to avoid seeming ungrateful and they haven’t wasted vast amounts of cash on purchasing unnecessary chocolates at inflated prices… so we are all happy.

Except I am not, but that is a whole other issue… the loneliness of my life hit me hard today. I have not seen the hub-person for a few days – he sends a child down once in a while with a demand for sandwiches or milk or to ask have I performed particular chores yet – but lately he has slept right through the day, so I have not needed to pander to him. So the bigger child-people have been in their rooms all day, hub-creature sleeping, baby outside playing – and I needed to go see my own mum. No-one wanted to come with me so I went alone, had a quick visit of dropping of her gifts (a cracking bottle of wine and a box of Black Magic – the latter supposed to be an ironic gesture which was completely lost on mum, as she was overjoyed at them! “I haven’t seen Black Magic for years! Wow, thanks!!”) and a cup of tea, before setting off for home.

Now when I am feeling low, I tend to drive it off; so before leaving mum’s I loaded up the stereo with Judas Priest then cranked it up loud and tore up the countryside!

And felt loads better by the time I arrived home an hour or so later to find all the child-people in the front room, happily getting along. Much like a disturbed rats nest they instantly dispersed back to their corners of the house, so I set upon my own Mothering Sunday gift to myself: a luscious bottle of Rioja and a giant bag of Tangfastics (because I am so refined!) whilst allowing Carl McCoy to serenade me for the rest of the evening...bliss!


So that was yesterday in a nutshell… what of the rest of the week?

Well, the only new post here last week was my review of the somewhat unimaginatively titled Sarah Millican’s Television Programme.

I make no apologies for the void– I was busy. Last week saw a flurry of commission requests so I spent a lot of time pondering over what I wanted to do and what I didn’t. I also spent a lot of time trying to write for that other blog, but have discovered some things are hard to write about. I have also found that my mind strangely veers to one topic no matter what I try to write, so have had to deal with that first – which I didn’t want to, so haven’t really done much there either…

Strangely, however, I have found plenty of time to make updates on the raging fangirl page. I worry it is becoming something of an obsession, but am fairly sure it is still within a healthy level so it’s fine! Oh and I made a static page – because I can. It relates to the fangirl thing, although is a *little* more professional. Find it here: Korkeys Six Nations Page

In all honesty, I know those of you who have no interest in the scrumptiousness that is Mr C think I am just time-wasting on these little projects but in actual fact it is helping me no end. I have learned a lot of new HTML techniques, gotten to grips with some graphics software I’ve had for ages and never used, learned loads of new SEO tips and had the opportunity to be a little visually creative… all useful for other more sensible posts!!

So to the week ahead:

Well, it’s my birthday in T-minus two days… which means three things:
1. I might be a proper mardy-arse for the next couple of days – you have been warned
2. I suspect I will hit an all-time low on Wednesday so should certainly be avoided then
3. By the weekend the annual funk should have started to lift (as that is usually the way!) so things will start to resemble normality around here!

Some fun stuff coming up, too. I am trying to avoid making promises of stuff to come, as I often do not get around to fulfilling and that just creates a whole issue of trust and broken promises… it all gets messy from there-in…

But… I am working on a *little* animation project (not drawn by me – a second guest contributor! How exciting!!) as well as trying to piece together something on episode two of Korkey’s Six Nations (I’ll announce updates through the usual means!)

Oh and *shock/horror* remember that panto thing last Christmas?… well, news on that front too… (okay, some might use the word Sell-out, but I don’t think it counts if you aren’t being paid, does it?)

One other thing, too… I have answered the issue of anonymity before, but I feel the need to clarify certain things.

I am perfectly happy for people who stumble across this blog to know who I am. In all honesty, there are so many clues here that someone who does know me would easily identify me. That said, because there are references to aspects of my home life of which not all are aware, I do not want that people can just search the web for me and land here… so that is why I hide behind a pseudonym created by my smallest child-person. Personally I do not see the contraversy in anonymity, but it seems to bother some. It is suggested that it says I am not being honest about who I am, but in reality I am more myself for being nameless than I would otherwise be able to be... so sorry if it doesn't suit, but you do only have to ask! I make no claims to be something/someone I am not and will openly answer any questions, so quite frankly my choice as to whether my name is emblazoned across this blog should not matter a jolt to anyone.

I should also say that the FE facebook identity has a few people on the friendlist who would rather not have their personal facebook available to those they do not know, so by having a separate persona I am helping them too.

I feel there should be a stonking payoff for your efforts at having read so much... not sure if I have posted this gem from Elis James before but it's a clip I very much love, so I hope you enjoy it too!

Sarah Millican's Television Programme

I was asked whether I had bothered to watch this show given my review of Sarah Millican’s DVD, but those who read that should at least have been able to notice I did acknowledge that she was still every bit as funny as ever; I just didn’t think it came across well on DVD…

So with that in mind, you should know that the programme is absolutely brilliant! It is great to see Sarah moving beyond stand-up and I really think the format suits her well. Interacting with guests and audience alike, she is able to fire off quick-witted responses and just be her natural hilarious self in a way which stand-up doesn’t necessarily allow. Don’t take my word for it, either… for once I have been so prompt with this review you might actually catch every episode! And that is how good this is!

In this first episode, we were treated to a great sketch based on flirting tips from guest, Tracey Cox and an incredibly revealing interview with Chris Packham.

As an aside, not sure what gives with him… for the most part, the guys I spent my teen years lusting after have matured into incredibly attractive men; Packham is very much the exception! Sure I am not the only one who spent the interview with my eyes closed imagining he still looked like this:

But I digress… not that you’d expect anything else from me!

It’s a fabulous show, so watch the first episode on the Iplayer now. New episodes air BBC2 Thursdays at 10pm (11.30 in NI) and are repeated on Saturdays at 11pm.

Social Club FM

I promise I will get better at doing these right away… once again, though, I have to admit that I have had to rewrite many times (not that it should surprise anyone!)

So anyway, having just listened to the third instalment of this show I can only say it is every bit as brilliant as you should expect!

*Deleted bullshit gushy nonsense*

See I did once say I would never attempt to review anything Chris Corcoran had touched on, but I am supposed to be a professional – I should be able to do this, right? So here goes; I have plied the inner-fangirl with what some might consider dangerous levels of caffeine, so she should be quiet for a while… let’s see how well this goes…

Brilliant, original, unique… and hugely funny.

That should do, no?

What you actually wanted full sentences? That might be harder to do…


Okay:

The main characters of Rex (Elis James) and Mr Chairman (Chris Corcoran) are already well-established, having stemmed from the live Committee Meetings so there is already a certain chemistry between them. The relationship between the characters is clear and uncomplicated and is played out perfectly by Messers James and Corcoran. There is a subtlety to the dialogue which I love because it isn’t always obvious where the laugh will come from, drawing the listener further into the story and whilst at times the plot might seem to descend into an almost farcical slapstick situation, it never feels contrived or sensationalised; a testament indeed to the sheer brilliance of the pair!

And I will leave it there, I think, whilst it still seems *fairly* professional!


I am afraid as always if you have awaited my go-ahead, you have missed the first episode, but episodes two and three are available on the Iplayer (if you hurry!). New episodes air on Fridays at 7pm on BBC Radio Wales.

I will add a sound-bite later, but for now you can see the pair on this collection of Committee Meeting videos:

Rhod Gilbert: Flaming Tattoo (Guest Review)

We have a guest reviewer today: please welcome Chris Williams to the blog. Check out his own blog at From the Stalls Chris is reviewing another Rhod Gilbert preview show for his upcoming tour The Man with the Flaming Battenburg Tattoo.

Last week was Rhod Gilbert’s charity gig at the Parc & Dare Treorchy. Firstly well done for raising over £6,000 for the Valleys Kids charity.
He was late but we didn’t really mind, even his reason for being late was funny, he apparently “just left late” and he literally went on stage straight from his car, hadn’t had anything to eat and needed a pee. He spent a few minutes on the venue and telling us why he likes playing the valleys, and the audiences (we “just take the piss” apparently), including an incident with a parking space and man in his dressing gown (and nothing else).
The material seemed familiar, as it would to anyone who watches and listens to Rhod on TV and radio - I mean who could forget that particular ‘Work Experience’ episode that this tour’s name comes from? But it wasn’t too familiar, I personally forgot about the show he was on at Christmas so the bit about his girlfriend’s present to him was fairly new. As it was a preview show he said some of it worked and some didn’t but personally couldn’t find fault with any of it, saying that though the “Toasty Jeff/travelling chef” possibly went on a tiny bit too long but was still hilarious. The whole thing was a hilarious anger-rant filled two hours leading up to the video punch-line we’ve come to expect; this one was funnier than the last. If this was just a work-in-progress the polished show should be awesome!
At the end of the gig he auctioned off a pair of tickets (£200 to the same charity) to see him in London, the audience managed to get him to pay for the travel but couldn’t get him to pay for an hotel too.

For my own review on this tour, click here!

GLC: Snog Marry Avoid

Those who know me will know I do not usually indulge in nonsense television… unless it is nonsense disguised as comedy, of course.

That said, child one came running down the stairs last night in full fangirl-mode “OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, MUM…. MUM… MUM… SNOGMARRYAVOID….NOW….GOLDIELOOKINCHAIN….QUICK” and proceeded to switch off the DVD being watched by Miss-Middle to make us all join her in watching.

It may be obvious (and certainly is to anyone with access to my ‘real-world’ Facebook) that Child One does quite like a bit of the GLC – to a worrying degree… but who am I to judge?



And so I found myself watching some of the most peculiar television I have seen since… well I don’t know… and I am aware it isn’t the most bizarre thing on right now, just that as a person with so much to fill a day I don’t indulge in the mindless drime nowadays! (and really? my ‘generic’ document-writing software is still trying to tell me Drime isn’t a word!)

But anyway… for those as ill-informed as I was, the premise is this:

A girl (it might always be a girl, maybe not – honestly I don’t intend to watch another episode, so I will never know!) walks down the street in her underwear to be picked apart over such things as:

• Her ridiculous fake tan
• Her trowel-applied make-up
• Hair resembling… well I don’t know… but definitely not hair. Actually, I do know – you know those über-fluffy cats? Imagine one of those unbrushed for about 8 years. Then think about the matted mess that would have to be clipped off once you realised you *should* have brushed it – THAT is what her hair was… only completely void of colour.
• Oh and the thing on her face that made her look as though she’d tripped and fallen into Amy Childs’ vagina…(or onto, I guess…regardless, who the hell has a vajazzled face??)

And the men/boys asked had to say which they’d rather… snog, marry or avoid her… predictably, the result was a resounding ‘avoid’ – although I would have thought the law of averages would state they’d have found a few guys who – well to be frank, would snog just because she looked pretty much a sure thing… but I guess those results are removed from the score, otherwise what would be the point?



So anyway, Miss-middle is humphing at the fact she is being made to miss her DVD for this, I am thinking about all the things I could be doing instead and Child One is squealing something about if we hang on GLC are going to be on, she promises and we can’t miss them, we have to all watch it… I have to say, I was intrigued to see what would be created of them… not only that, but if we turned off it meant the time spent watching thus far was just time spent watching a mediocre, pathetic excuse for television… so we waited.


Now here’s the thing… I am sure they don’t dress that way all the time… I mean, the whole chav thing is just an act, right? I hope it is – and have always assumed it is… if I’m wrong, well… then I worry for them all.

So that said, I can see the irony in how they were transformed. The setup was that the computer which creates the new look quite likes Take That and since they are a band and GLC are a band, that was the look for them…

So did they look like the Take Twats? No… not even vaguely resembling a poorly constructed tribute act… in fact, the impression they gave was that it was 10pm and a YFU disco somewhere was turning out for the evening.

But it was good to see them enter into the spirit of the show…which was incredibly funny indeed!

Oh and a shameless plug for their brilliant “Half Man, Half Machine”

So I will add that here - cos it's brill and they don't get anywhere near enough mainstream air time:

*Just to clarify for those who have been in touch, I was aware this isn't a new show, but I wanted to write about it, so I did... on TV right now makes it topical enough for me to talk about it! KThxBii!*

Just Because It's Sunday

I can’t label this a summary… not quite sure what it is, but a summary suggests a rounding up of what has happened. This, I suspect, will be more a “What should have happened” – but that makes for a clumsy title and an even clumsier URL, so I shall just see where we go… often the best way!!


OTFAF:

Okay, I have drifted from purpose somewhat this week and the posts here have taken something of a nonsensical turn. The
fangirl post was something of a must… it has been a long time coming and a few of my readers were asking for more than the passing mentions I tend to make. I have learned from it (and from the –erm- interesting list of search terms reported by google) that I am not the worst to be fangirling over this particular target. Which puts my mind at ease slightly I have to say – maybe I am more normal than I thought!

The somewhat tenuous St David’s Day posting wasn’t as some seem to think a further ploy to crow-bar mentions of Wales into the blog. Yes, my heart is very much there, but that absolutely was not the intention! But crow-barring it was, as I wanted to share another Pantheon sound clip … you’ve got to admit it’s a good one!

But yes, I hold up my hands – this week has been pretty much one of nonsense and self-indulgence. I promise I will work harder next week!


STUFF TO SEE/HEAR:

There are a few things I want to get to at some point…

Firstly, the brilliant new BBC comedy sketch show “Watson and Oliver” – they are fab so watch it! The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff is every bit as funny as its Christmas special and it is fabulous that it has been extended into a full series. Pramface I am still not too sure on, but it’s new… so you could just watch it and make up your own mind!

Away from the BBC, this week marks the last episode of Stella… it has been a brilliant series and has given many an emotional moment as well as the obvious laughs… beautifully written! I am quite excited to see what Sky one bring next, as they have churned out some amazing comedies lately! I have been enjoying a lot of comedy re-runs lately – most notably the brilliant Green Wing – puerile nonsense, but I love it!

And of course the radio:

Did I mention the current series of Social Club FM with Elis James and that other Welsh guy?… I forget his name, you know the one!

There are new episodes airing of some old favourites: Just a Minute, The Now Show and Newsjack to mention but a few… also well worth a listen is Miles Jupp’s new show “It’s Not What You Know” … absolutely brilliant!



IN OTHER NEWS:

Because I have been working on projects needing me to face up to the emotion of the situation with the hub-creature, I decided to start blogging over the things I need to say – much as to get clarity than anything else. I am writing it for me, really, but the blog is open for anyone to read so if you want to take a look, it’s here: http://lifesastrugglesometimes.blogspot.com/

I won’t be posting here regarding updates etc, so you will have to subscribe over there if you want them. There won’t be accompanying facebook pages etc either, it’s not that kind of blog. In fact, I’m not even marketing the SEO or anything – it’s just an offloading centre!


What else?

Nope, don’t think there is anything else you need to know – now I just need to find a title!

YELLOW CAR: A Simple Guide

Ok, a little nonsensical fluff for a Friday!

Not procrastinating… definitely not avoiding anything.

Ok, maybe I *could* be working on something new, something part fiction part auto-biographical; I *may* have reached a stage at which I need to face up to some emotional shit I’d rather not deal with; it is *possible* I could be trying to delay the inevitable tears until later.

But anyway, it’s Friday – who wants to be dragged down on a Friday?

I have no idea where ‘Yellow Car’ comes from or indeed how my children came to start playing. There was some point though, maybe when the older kids were around ten and twelve at which they were suddenly playing and teaching baby this most irritating game. It seems there are a great many people unfamiliar with Yellow Car and since I had to recently explain the game to a friend after their child reported having been hit by my own I figured I’d share with you all as a matter of public service; just to avoid misunderstandings and the possibility of beatings.

Objective:

It’s a simple premise; see a yellow car, hit those around you before they hit you. As you hit, you must call “Yellow Car” and it is generally a good idea to close with a “no returns” before the victim calls a backsy on you.

Nothing more to it really, although baby is something of a tactical genius, so has a few play-winning strategies. I will get to those in a moment though.

So what are the rules?

Yes, there are rules to the game; it is “not an excuse to just randomly hit your children without worrying about social services stepping in, Mum!!”

Who knew?

The Rules:

• In order to be considered ‘In play’ the subject car must be visible to all participating in the game, regardless of whether or not they have physically seen it.
• The yellow car must be in transit in order to count. Calling on a car which is not in motion results in a penalty, causing all present to be allowed to hit you back simultaneously regardless of a “no returns” call.
• If you are also travelling in a vehicle, ‘tagging’ your driver is not allowed. However, the driver is allowed to tag the front seat passenger if they consider it safe to do so, with the impact of the tag being dependent on such factors as the quality of music being selected by said passenger, navigational skills and general driver support being provided. Failure to adhere to this rule will result in the disqualification of front seat passenger from all rounds of “Shotgun” until such time as the infraction is forgotten by either driver or other passengers.
• A yellow car seen on more than one occasion may only be subject to a round of tags once per journey.
• If in a yellow car, the game counts only for vehicles other than that which you are riding in. (Really?? I was disappointed to discover this rule as I have often dreamt of buying a yellow car just so I could drive around the streets punching chavs! Gutted that I can’t even get my kids back by hitting them at random points during journeys!)

Tactical Plays

1. Memorise all driveways/parking areas with yellow cars in them. Chances are that either on a return journey or another day you might catch one of these cars manoeuvring within the confines of its home space. Other players will not be prepared for these; therefore you should achieve a full-sweep.
2. When walking familiar routes, remember previous sightings. When you feel it is almost time, say something to the person/people you are with. Speak quietly in order that they need to look at you to ask “What did you say?” – if you have timed your move correctly, at this point the yellow car should approach, giving you full scope to win the round. (really – I fall for this every day on the school run! You’d think I’d learn!) Distraction can also be achieved by such actions as faking a trip, dropping something or by making a random spin causing those with you to worry you might fall into the road.
3. If riding in the back of the car, choose the centre seat at all times. This firstly gives a full view of the road ahead and also puts you in the prime spot to carry out a multiple attack, thus increasing chances at a full sweep.
4. If in the front seat, create an excuse for turning your attention towards the rear of the vehicle before making the call. It is most likely you are the only one to have seen the car, so you have a little time to spare to get into a good position. You will then find you are better placed to carry out a speedy attack.
5. Should there be more than one potential tag recipient present, timing is crucial. Make the call as hitting the second victim, this decreases the chance of other players getting you before you get them.
6. It might be tempting to start with the weaker of your group; this would be the completely wrong approach. When dealing with stronger, the element of surprise can be the difference between a win and a loss, therefore start with the strongest and work down.

Once confident with the game, I am sure you will be able to create your own plays; these are just a few displayed by my children and are a good base to make the game fun.

Remember to play safe! Do not distract the driver at any point during the game and don’t hit your opponents any harder than they could hit you back later!

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi : St David's Day

Having spent much of today researching and writing about St David, I really wanted to take a moment to mention it here, but to be honest, I am totally St-Davidded out!

So instead, I will just admit it was a shallowly disguised excuse for a rather tenuous posting, just so I could share this little sound-bite with you!


St David's entry from the fabulous Elis James' Pantheon of Heroes:




Ddionol iawn, joio!!

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus, i bawb!