A Matter of Politics

Generally, I avoid making intentional political statement. Not through any deliberate avoidance of the subject, more a lack of confidence in my own opinion I guess, that and that I really feel my own political stance is of little consequence, there being others far better qualified to express and analyse the thoughts and opinions of the population.

I have in my time encountered a great many people who hold blindly to the all-politics-is-bullshit ethos; those who refuse to vote because ‘voting makes no difference’; who will hate on a politician simply because of their role in society rather than their opinions or actions; those who shout loudest about the way ‘the system’ does not give enough of what they want and only benefits others. These people, it will not surprise you to learn, grill my goat in the worst way possible. If you refuse to participate in a system designed to (usually) give voice to the majority you cannot complain about it not performing in the way you want – END OF!!

A short time ago, I discussed the important role comedy had played in my own political education and I have since learned this is the case for many other people brought up in similarly apolitical and disenchanted households. Off the back of that particular post and the commissioned article which had led to the investigation, I began to look at things in a different way and looked for new sources of comedic political statement.

And here is where I started to realise the bigger problem. We had only three, then four, later still (occasionally) five television channels, four national radio stations and one local. Those and a far smaller selection of newspapers was the full extent of availability of information and entertainment; thus we often ended up watching things which would not ordinarily hold our interest and become informed on more diverse subject matter. Nowadays, with a 24-hour bombardment of hundreds of television and radio channels and the internet yelling incessantly from the corner of the room we can always find exactly what we want; so if politics does not interest you, it can be avoided quite easily. We truly have become an ADHD society, unable to watch more than a few seconds of anything before deciding “not for me!” and moving on.

I am perfectly aware, of course, that it is this same response that has many of you landing here now as you frantically jab at the “next blog” button looking for something worth reading. If this is the case and you are still with me, I feel I should acknowledge your efforts, so Thank You!

But back to point…

If we are to seek out our politically-based comedy, how do we firstly know where to look and secondly encourage the disaffected to also find it?

The answer, as with most things in modern society, possibly lies in the social networks. In a spirit of double standards which seems to be very much the model nowadays, I find myself loathing the loss of my own privacy brought by the new ticker feed whilst praising it for the fact I see every click of the ‘like’ button by my friends and it is that very feature that has led me into my current phase of renewed interest in political statement and satirical comedy. I noted that a friend regularly ‘liked’ posts by the comedian Tiernan Douieb and soon found myself subscribing to his blog, checking out some of his work online and taking more of an interest in politics off the back of his commentary. Incidentally, Tiernan Douieb has recently started a blog at the news site, Huffington Post which you should really check out! Another friend whose posts I generally pay little attention to was posting many links to a particular video to which I eventually succumbed. In reality, this person is not one known for her sense of humour and possibly believes whole-heartedly in every word of the video concerned, but regardless I found it funny… and in one of those rare Youtube journeys that ended in a positive place, I want to share a brilliant video of that same comedy character, Sir Ian Bowler:



So I guess the message for today is to pretend like it’s 1985, find the thing which interests you least and start your own google journey… or pay greater attention to what your facebook/twitter/tumblr friends are up to… or to be slightly deeper:

If you wish to express an opinion about immigrants, the benefits system, how we all pay too much for fuel, taxes being too high, wages being too low, schools performing badly, kids being given limited options/too much freedom, bankers and/or politicians receiving too high a wage and too many ‘extras’ or any similar bandwagon statements of opinion you have to contribute more than a re-hashed Daily Mail headline… so teach yourself something before you speak out. What’s that quote often misattributed to Twain? (or some would say “attributed to”, I think it depends on your source) …something about keeping quiet and having people think you a fool vs speaking and proving them correct… it would be relevant to professionally quote that now, but I have already spent longer than intended writing this after a simple exercise in transcription became a major re-write so we shall assume you all know the one I mean rather than trawling off on another Google voyage!

In short, if you think there is a chance you could be one of those people who after the riots of the past summer were claiming a political reason for their actions in spite of not having a clue what they were talking about: really, stop now. Do not speak. No. Stop. Not one word.

You know the ones… we all watched them and laughed at their stupidity… well, I hope you did anyway! Those claiming that they had a right to take a 3D television as recompense for the taxes they were paying out of their benefits; those declaring that rioting was a nation making themselves heard in spite of not knowing what it was they were trying to say; those who believed that somehow their actions were going to change the government stance on immigration. Listening to interviews with participants trying to justify their actions with such an outpouring of misinformation really grated at me at the time. Even now with so much time passed, I am getting angry again just remembering them….

So thank you, people. I was feeling kinda good today, but giving you all something worthwhile to read has really quashed my nice.


Find a happy place…find a happy place…find a happy place

Getting Your Sag On

I saw quite possibly the most ridiculous sight ever this morning!

It was pouring with rain as I returned home from town and walking towards me was a youngster on his way to college (well, he had books… ) battling to keep the hood of his sweatshirt up against the blustery wind. That was not the ridiculous thing, although it is peculiar bothering to struggle so with an item of clothing not at all waterproof… but anyway:

He was also wearing black low-rise jeans and a pair of black boxers with a picture of *a* Muppet character… note I do not know which; it would have been indecent to have looked too carefully since he was little more than a child, but I am sure I could have easily seen had I felt so inclined. I know it is not a new look, but this was by far the lowest I have seen a pair of jeans go without gravity taking over. And I have to say, for a moment even the poor boy himself seemed concerned as he frantically scrabbled to hold onto both his hood and his trousers whilst simultaneously supporting the bag slung across his shoulder. I would have laughed aloud, were it not for the mum-instinct kicking in and feeling just a *little* sorry for the poor kid!

So I am sure you know where this particular middle-aged rant is going… I don’t even need to say it, do I?

• If your mum is still buying your pants for you (and his clearly is!)
  : Pull your bloody trousers up!
  
• If you can feel the rain and/or wind on your tackle as you battle the elements
  : Pull Your Bloody Trousers Up!
  
• If you need to walk like you’ve
  
  1. Cr@pped yourself
     
  2. Ridden forty miles into town on the back of a donkey
     
  3. Cycled over a mile of cobbles with a flat tyre
     
  4. Spent the entire preceding night embracing a new lifestyle choice
  : PULL YOUR BLOODY TROUSERS UP!
  
  

I am not a narrow-minded person. I can appreciate that fashion changes and that things we find ridiculous are cool to today’s youths in the same way that our own fashions were beyond the comprehension of our parents … I do not need to look far for a reminder of that fact as I think back over my own teenaged years and the amount of stresses my choice caused my parents. I am reminded in particular of having a skirt purchased on my behalf at an open-air market and being made to change in the back of our three-wheeler car as my father was embarrassed by the clothes I had chosen to wear on that day – the irony of that situation was lost on me at the time! And I do admit that the low-rise jean, on the right person can look less than ridiculous; in fact, having gone off on a free-image search for a picture to accompany this post I have to say that there are some men who look mighty fine with a classy pair of hipster jeans barely clinging to their lower torso… but the lower the jeans fall, the greater the chance you look less of a hunk and more of a dick… that’s just the way it is, I’m afraid!

So if your jeans are more no-rise than low-rise, for pity’s sake
: PULL YOUR BLOODY TROUSERS UP!

Ethically Challenged

I know you will have looked at the image accompanying this post and be thinking “Here we go again!” but I promise, this is not just another post about the luscious Mr Corcoran… there is a bigger issue here altogether which has really got me irked.

I set off on one of those peculiar Google journeys this morning… I wasn’t even looking for him, I promise… I was happily researching a completely unrelated topic when I saw the name pop up in a result, not a page of any consequence to my research, but today being a fairly productive one thus far I thought I deserved a little diversion… then I find myself on another search tangent, which eventually had me at this Ebay listing for Chris Corcoran's Random Thoughts:



Even those amongst you (how?) who are as yet unfamiliar with the book itself can clearly see the label: £1.99… that is all this book costs… yet this store is selling it on for a whopping £4.69.

“Fair enough,” you say, “the seller has to cover costs” – um, no actually… because firstly this seller is clearly representing a book store given the huge volume of stock he is carrying so is even making a profit by selling at £1.99. Also, his allowance of £2.99 for postage is MORE than it costs to ship from the UK to the US… I checked...and the packaging itself is going to cost pennies to someone mailing out a high volume of goods so what is the justification for blatantly ripping people off in this way? Especially given that these US buyers could easily order from Amazon for $0.68! (In itself another irritation… sixty-eight cents for all that effort! Gah!!)

The thing is it isn’t just the buyer being sold short here; whilst the prospective buyers are paying double the value of this book is anyone mailing off a cheque to Mr C in recompense for the inflated royalties? Um, doubt it!

And don’t think I am only complaining because it is this book in particular, it’s just that I noticed it because I know the book; truly, it would have irritated the crap out of me whatever book it may have been… but you will have to take me at my word on that one!

I am all for free enterprise and people being allowed to earn a living, but this really takes the piss… in a BIG way!

I mean, is it really so different to someone who buys a DVD, copies it and sells both on? The financial boost to the seller is exactly the same, yet only one is technically illegal. Time for artists to make a stand, I feel!

Sunday Summary 22/01

It’s been a funny old week for us at FE-HQ! The hub-creature and child-shaped people were all wiped out with the flu… which of course meant more running around than usual for me! Not good since I was hit with a minor version of their virus later in the week. Spending a day with no other symptom that a husky voice, I thought I was getting off lightly, but it seems not, since my energy has been zapped and I am now stuck with the worst case of vertigo ever! But I have done some work regardless, because that’s the level of commitment you can expect from me!

Highlights of the week:

• I had plenty of peace as no-one wants to visit the Plague House!
  
• I managed to set an all-time record for reading Chris Corcoran’s Random Thoughts … 34 minutes, don’t you know! And still laughed aloud throughout… really it doesn’t get old at all!
  
• I did some more work on a particularly dark project which is panning out to be something I am really proud of! (more on that another time, though!)
  
• I finally figured out a way to (legally) include content other than that from Youtube, so can better highlight my reviews now!
  
• Having a heap of downtime, I was able to complete a batch of reviews and an abridgment of a bigger piece to include here
  
• I have managed to spend some time tidying up the blog, adding media to posts without it and coding in the all-new “Related Posts” widget… what do you thnk?
  

There’s a load of other stuff that’s gone well this week… far too much to go into really, but you get into picking apart every small aspect of life and it’s just ridiculous really!

Let’s just say that in spite of the viral attack, this week has been a good one!

And because it really made me laugh, I want to share this with you!

A new show written by and starring Jason Byrne, starting Saturday 4th Feb at 10pm on Radio Two.

Gwlad yr Astra Gwyn

I doubt any of you will have caught this show, but really you must.

Ok; it is in Welsh, but to be honest I think if a person is so narrow-minded that they will avoid things just because they might have to read a subtitle or two they are restricting themselves in the worst way.

As a person new to speaking Welsh, I have to say the best thing by far for me was that there was no complexity in the language, so it was easy to keep up with, but I am aware this makes me a niche market! If I were to have a complaint it would be that this programme didn’t have subtitles ‘yn Gymraeg’ because I find that helps!

But this is not a Welsh review, so I’ll get to the point…

It’s a simple premise:

Trefor runs a taxi service, aided by his unseen sister on the radio. The show is shot entirely inside the taxi as we meet his regular customers going about their daily lives. The characters we meet are extremely funny and there is a high energy to the programme, with almost the feel of a sketch show; possibly testament to the show’s origin as part of a sketch show itself, but regardless it keeps a good pace throughout.

The humour is puerile, crude and base, but is hilariously so, drawing the viewer into Trefor’s world and making us feel very much a part of every fare.

Trefor is brilliantly played by Rhodri Meilir, who will be best known to English audiences from BBC appearances in My Family and Dr Who but has a huge range of credits on Welsh-language television and there are a few other familiar faces amongst the cast of customers.

It is a brilliant show! You should know by now that I do not say anything I don’t mean, so click the piccy below to watch online, or catch it on Sky channel 134 on Thursday nights at 10pm.







Update:5th Oct 2012

Series two is currently airing on Wednesday nights at 9.30pm with repeats on Fridays at 11.35pm. This new offering is every bit as funny as the first series, so be sure to check it out!

That is all!

House of Rooms

I tried to come into watching this void of any preconceptions… something thankfully made far easier by its being so completely different than could possibly be expected that the moment it started I forgot all about Milton’s fantastic stand-up and was whisked away into his little world.

Being a surrealist at heart, I loved the bizarreness of the whole affair as we see the down-beaten Milton struggle to cope with the popularity of new tenant Paul, especially from his love interest, Alice, and has a brilliantly thought-out sub-plot I shan’t detail for fear of ruining it for you!

I will be honest, there were parts of it which put me in mind of ‘Flight of the Conchordes’… not for the content but for the general ambience of the show, with subtle sound effects and the occasional musical backing track. Not that I consider that a bad thing, by a long stretch… Conchordes is fabulous! Suffice it to say that if you liked one, you would most likely feel the same way about the other!

To my mind, Jones proved brilliantly that his one-liner style can fit perfectly into a sitcom with script which is absolutely hilarious in the most understated way.

As a pilot offering, I really hope this becomes a full series at some point… I for one will be very much looking forward to it!


Click the image to view the show on 4oD

Stella

Stella is a brilliant new comedy drama written by and starring Ruth Jones. Jones’ character is a single mother trying to work hard to provide for herself and her children in spite of the issues life throws in her way.

Ok, if you have been waiting on this review to decide whether to watch this series or not, you will be disappointed to have missed the first few episodes! Not to worry, though, I am sure they will be repeated at some point and one of the joys of this show is that you really can just step in anywhere so no need for an extensive catch-up session; there are no complexities in the plot, no twists or surprises - it really is quite a simple story of one woman struggling to do her best by her family against all the normal stresses of modern life.

This show is equally hilarious and poignant, giving me personally many a teary moment of empathy towards our eponymous heroine, played brilliantly by Ruth Jones. It is always a tricky act to follow a hugely successful project such as Gavin and Stacey but Jones has managed it perfectly with this offering, being both beautifully written and really well executed.

I personally love the backdrop, too, as we see the amazing Welsh scenery – and I know, you will think I am biased, but honestly I do believe that it further adds to the dichotomy of the show in that we see this almost idyllic scene in spite of which there are people really struggling to get by. It yells to me of a deeper message about taking note of our surroundings and being grateful for what we have rather than lamenting what we don’t… but this may just be incidental! It has often been said though that I think too deeply about things which really do not matter!

The cast are all fantastic, playing their characters wonderfully to the point where even exaggerated traits seem perfectly normal.

I really struggle to find a weak point in this series at all, so watch and enjoy!

You can watch videos of the show here: Sky One.com Stella Videos and new episodes air on Fridays at 9pm.

Zombie Apocalypse

I know, reviews promised… but my head is far too fuzzy, so for now make do with my ramblings instead. In case you are worrying; no, I do not have the flu which has floored everyone else… thankfully! I awoke yesterday feeling just fine to the sound of the phone ringing and as I answered thought “That’s not me!” At some point overnight, I had developed a peculiar huskiness you normally couldn’t achieve without blackened lungs and a shrivelled liver. With no other symptoms than a vague loss of energy, I found myself in a position where running a premium rate sexline suddenly seemed a very viable business opportunity. Today, however, that loss of energy has become an all-round vagueness, my head feels as though it is stuffed with bubblewrap with an over-excited child popping a few cells just often enough to cause discomfort and whilst the sultry voice remains, along with it comes a breathlessness and chesty cough that has others cowering away in fear… so not so sexy then!

It is very much feeling as though we are living in one of those apocalypse movies… I stocked up on groceries on Monday ‘just in case’ and we quarantined ourselves in order to prevent a spread – now we are at the point of preserving stock and rationing food so as to avoid going out… not that I am too ill for a trip to Tesco, but I really do not want to!

But anyway, in case you were worrying at the lack of posts, that is the situation here; hope you don’t catch the virus from reading this!

The radio is keeping me going at the moment, so I will share this with you all… because having listened far too many times to count, I am still laughing every time I hear it… a little Andrew Lawrence:

Andrew Lawrence discusses being described as 'Misanthropic': From his radio show 'What To Do If You Are Not Like Everybody Else'

Fruity Ponderings and Flu Avoidance

I feel as though I am living inside an old vaporub jar at the moment – that smell really permeates everything, doesn’t it!

I’ve managed to be cold-free for something like fourteen years now and really do not plan on succumbing to the one currently flooring the hub and kids; so this morning I did what any sensible person should do and went shopping!

Don’t panic, I’ve not been hit with an attack of spontaneous materialism, it was a purely survivalist excursion to nowhere more exotic than Lidl! Don’t judge me, though; I do not have the constitution to fight off pensioners at the market and Lidl’s is very much the next best thing in terms of gathering fruit and veg which can be eaten on the day of purchase – besides which, the benefit-bound aren’t even out of bed yet, so I can head there without fear of encountering any unsavouries! So I have stocked up on plenty of vitamin loaded, virus beating yummies and am now enjoying a (rather late) breakfast of hot buttered toast, grapefruit and ‘proper’ chocolate (94% cocoa - because I am hardcore!!)

And much like floating in an oarless canoe toward a waterfall, I now drift effortlessly towards my point:

Just who was it who made the decisions as to how we should eat certain foods? I don’t mean people coming up with recipes, but the real stuff – things we eat with minimal interference besides chopping, peeling etc.

Why do we play at the Giant’s teaparty eating grapefruit with a tiny spoon whilst we segment oranges of the same size to eat with our hands?
Why is it considered appropriate to sprinkle sugar over a grapefruit and eat it, whilst equally unpalatable fruits such as lemons are resigned to the rank of ingredient/decoration?
Who decided pineapple and coconut were worth the effort needed to reach the flesh?
Who declared the grapefruit a breakfast food, tomato and cucumber to be used for salads and squashes to be vegetables?

And most importantly, who the hell ever thought a piece of fruit could constitute dessert?


These are the things I found myself pondering over whilst packing away my purchases and painstakingly scoring my grapefruit.



In fact, I was reminded a few days ago of being given my first pomegranate as a youngster. As baby and I walked home from school, we caught up with the little girl next door. She was eating one as she walked (hence her being so slow that we caught up with her!) and baby asked her “Are you using a spoon?” “No, it’s a pomegranate fork!” – Actually, it was a chip-shop fork, but I’ll let her off since the poor girl has probably never seen the inside of a chippy! It seemed a strange thing though to give a child as part of their packed lunch… what ten year old has the stamina to eat a pomegranate? I was probably around twelve when I first saw one and was given a threaded needle with which to eat it. We were hardcore beach scavengers, ‘catching’ a lot of winkles and such so eating with a needle wasn’t a big deal but nevertheless I soon bored of the repetitive process: choose, spike, eat, choose, spike, eat, choose, spike, drop… it seemed unending and eventually I just couldn’t be bothered so had an apple instead. Coming from the home of “waste not, want not” though, my fruit was placed in the breadbin and I was expected to return to it as often as necessary until it was gone; day three, I cast it over the garden wall to ‘feed the birds’ living in the trees beyond because nothing is worth that much effort!

But anyway – such ponderings have me lusting after a strong cup of tea and I still have to complete those reviews I have promised you all. (Plus I am working on a contingency in case I should find myself floored by this strain!)

That and you find when there is a case of flu within the household that people visit less and "Can't stay". Add a second patient and they will only chat on the doorstep until by victim number four you are completely in quarantine... so knowing my time will be my own for a couple of days at least I should also have time for another read of this:



Did I mention, it's a great book ?! ...

Sunday Summary 15/01

I do have some proper posts to put up later, but I know those of you only here after the closure of my other blog are used to the Sunday Summary and as such here ‘tis! (not that I make any promises to maintain the regularity or promptness you are used to, but I shall try!)

So:

Highlights of the week:

• A brilliant new focus which has me with a brimming folder of character profiles, new ideas, different ways of making old ideas work etc.
  
• I have developed a new resolve after whiling away some of the time I had allocated for not completing my tax return on calculating the costs of freebies over the last year – and as such sent a few people on their way. Odd to call this a highlight I know but in actual fact it’s a mark of a newly strengthened character, since the ability to say no has long eluded me (read into that what you will!)
  
• The re-enforcement of just how fantastic my girls are as they (the older ones, anyway) tried to persuade me that I should take the trip I was planning for the summer and broke down exactly how they would cope without me! (I’m not going, because I can’t justify the huge cost for just a week away, but regardless the fact they are so supportive is amazing!)
  
• I know I have said it before, but I have found the perfect house! And it falls in a location approved by the Dark Destroyer of Dreams, so even better! (oh and I will be in Wales in a few weeks; hopefully it will still be available then so I can go have a snoop!)
  And for relevance here:
  
• Some real moments of funny in:
  
  • Some time of reminiscence as well as a few laughs from my rediscovery of the hilarious Harold Lloyd
    
  • Obviously, The Rhod Gilbert Show which was absolutely hysterical this week – which great though that is, meant I was unable to work whilst listening as I usually do… but I needed to laugh more than I needed to write!
    
  • Stella, the fab new comedy drama from Ruth Jones
    
  • House of Rooms – this week’s brilliant channel four offering from Milton Jones
    
  • Some true old-school chuckles on Sky Arts in the form of Saturday Night Live episodes from the late ‘70s and the fabulous Monty Python films
    
  • The return to the Iplayer of series one of ‘What To Do’!
    

So all-in-all, a pretty good week as they go!

Now to complete the coding on those other posts and make them ready to upload…

Silent Movies Rediscovered

You know how every once in a while you stumble across something and it just re-ignites a dormant passion you’d long forgotten about?

This is where I am after a recent research journey for a commission piece on silent movies.

It had never occurred too much until a conversation with one of the child-shaped people, but when I grew up there were often silent movies on the television; nowadays they seem to never be on unless part of a clip-run during a documentary.

Laurel and Hardy were always lauded as the best during my childhood, but I never much liked them; possibly part of my anti-hype nature (Yes, maybe my hipster personality started that long ago!) but I really do not remember why now, nor is it particularly important; the films I loved were those of Harold Lloyd. And so it was that during my research for this article, I found myself whiling away hours watching and re-watching Youtube clips featuring some of the funnier moments of his movie career.

I am not going to analyse the whys and wherefores – it seems quite obvious really that with verbal comedy there is a delay as we wait for the build up to an inevitable punchline but silent comedy has to keep hitting to hold the focus of the audience hence we are given far more laughs per minute. Of course, being denied a punchline means we are also denied the big laugh at the end, with these films often just fizzling out but I personally think it’s worth the trade-off.

I do worry about the fact that there no longer seems the chance to view these films en masse; with the huge volume of television channels available to us, you would think they’d be shown somewhere and add that most cinemas nowadays have multiple screens so could surely show older films alongside new releases. When you think about the fact that an entire generation has absolutely no awareness of the existence of silent movies, not just the fabulous comedies but such aging classics as Ace of Hearts, Camille and of course the amazingly dark Nosferatu it makes you wonder what will become of these volumes over the next twenty years. Will anyone remember them or will they be lost forever?

But anyway… little whinge over!

And as a reminder of (or introduction to) some of the work of the utterly amazing Harold Lloyd, here’s a little clip video for you:



Incidentally, for those who are interested, there are a huge amount of 'proper' old films available in full on You-tube... Nosferatu being one! I know what I will spend my weekend doing!

Character Profiling...

It’s a tricky balance sometimes, the need to lock oneself in a room alone to write conclusively vs the obvious need to be out finding things to write about.

My previous existence managing a sports facility gave me plenty of character ideas and stories to tell, but provided little in the way of constructive time to actually commit any of them to formal text; thus I found myself in search of a voluntary role in order that I can simply step away and write when I feel the need to.

I spend one day a week working at a brilliant place which runs computer-based courses for all, teaches life skills to those let down by a failing education system and assists the unemployed in making themselves employable; searching for jobs, completing applications, preparation for interview and so on.

I have the opportunity to meet a huge range of people of different class, nationality and intellect and thoroughly enjoy every minute of the work I do as much for the amazing array of characters I encounter as for the chance to put my skills to better use than the usual waffle and twad I churn out!


At the present time, I am writing at my previous place of employment; no other reason for this than “Because I can”. It tends to be my go-to place; somewhere to hide from those who feel working from home means having nothing to do but hand out free coffee and chatter all day; somewhere to be around people who no longer ask “when will you?” “why didn’t you” “couldn’t you just?”; somewhere to simply write for the hell of it. Alright, they do throw me the odd free coffee from time to time, but I put in a lot of hours for them over the six years I worked here, I earned a few coffees at least!

So here I am; writing character profiles on those around me; making judgments as to their habits and hobbies; inventing jobs and families based purely on the fact they have chosen to come out today in a red jacket or that they arrived in a beaten down Vauxhall Corsa.

There are times I suddenly realise I am knuckling down and taking my work more seriously and this really is one of them. For the most part, people think I spend my days hiding in the office doing nothing more constructive than refreshing my social networks; and I’ll admit, there are times I realise I could take on far more work were I better able to focus and aim for a faster turnover. Spending a couple of hours scribbling in my notebook, though, and finding myself with a heap of transcribing to do and some new ideas to work up I can see just how differently I am coming at the whole process than this time last year. Maybe this is the year I actually decide to package myself into one of those neat little straight-edged, pointy cornered boxes people are so keen on... or maybe not.

Fairy steps, I think... a few character profiles and a couple of really exciting new ideas are really not enough to warrant choosing a genre, are they? ... especially given that the new ideas are so very different from one another!

But changes are afoot, nevertheless...

As always, watch this space!


Seriously, keep watching....


Don't look away, now!

Ambition-fuelled Nonsensical Whimsy

I am not quite sure what has happened to me this year.

You will gather from my “I hate New Year” post that I don’t do the renewed vigour, the gritty determination to make more of my time, decisions to lose weight and get healthier or any other such clichéd resolution-type bullshit.

Why, then, am I now writing this at 9:15am, having already cleaned the kitchen, eaten breakfast, sorted some paperwork, packed away a little of Christmas and finally finished a deadline-free article I had hoped to complete last month but for it being a difficult one to write on?

Oh, and here is another thing… I went for a run the night before last, which I’ve not really had time to do since some time in November and did some pilates and a bit of Wii fit last night – I soon put paid to the Wii fit smugness though: “You’ve not been here for ages, fatty! Do you want some workout tips? – Oh my bad, you’ve lost 16 pounds since you played last, maybe you don’t need me after all… I’ll be under the coffee table should you change your mind!” Not that I particularly feel the need to lose weight, but it’s still good that I have. In fact, losing it when you aren’t trying is a real bonus; a freebie from karma to me… so in your face to all those people who are spending the next two or three weeks at the gym whilst nagging at those of us who prefer to workout somewhere void of the condescension of being surrounded by the young and healthy-without-even-trying as we sweat, pant and wheeze our way through the most sedate circuits we can create.

I found myself writing a list, too; a “things to do this year” type of list. It’s not a particularly creative one, nor is it anything too taxing… in fact there is no reason any of the things on the list are not attainable… but I am worried it smacks a little of a resolution of sorts.

You see, I do always find myself with accidental resolutions.

One year, I sat alone at the turn of the clock having had to stay up for the inevitable family phone calls and just cried. As with all years, there had been plans, but they fizzled out as one-by-one everyone else fell asleep until by the turn of the calendar I had been moping in my own misery for almost two hours; so I cracked. I was horrendously overweight at the time, although did not care much about it and started to wonder about how many calories I had consumed in the bottle of cheap celebratory fizz I had drunk alone so hit the internet in search of calorific values of various wines etc to find myself landing eventually on what turned out to be quite a life-changing website . I read about how this website could change everything I hated about my life by teaching me to create healthy habits. The website also had a calorie-counter, into which you could enter the food you had in a day and it would give a full nutritional breakdown.

I hadn’t wanted to lose weight really; I knew I needed to, but there is a certain comfort in being bigger. Mainly in my case, as I was to learn much later, the fact that by staying fat (read: unattractive) I could go out without attracting unwanted attention from other guys, so did not need to think too much about whether or not I was happy with how deeply morose my home-life was. That said I found myself signing up, as much to use the calculator to work out my alcohol-calories for the day as anything else and found myself working through the stages to self-betterment.

Being as anti-cliché as I am, I was determined not to start a diet; especially on New Year. I was also very much of the impression that in order for any life-style change to stick it had to be as much like the norm as possible and as such, I did nothing to change my life initially, choosing to simply log my normal diet and activity just to see where I was; and that was the shocker.

In order to lose a healthy two pounds a week, the system told me I needed to consume 1250 calories a day; excluding that New Year’s Eve, I was taking on around 250. In fact, over the first two weeks, I was only able to break 300 on one day – and that was a day I had felt immensely stuffed and lethargic. I had always taken great pride in having beaten an eating disorder completely unaided at the age of 17, but the more I looked at it the more I realised that in actual fact all I had beaten was the need to weigh myself in fifteen minute intervals. At this point I was thirty years old, weighed almost two hundred pounds and decided enough was indeed enough.

The website had the most amazing wealth of information and experts you could chat with on-demand. It was (and still is!) completely free to use which amazed me, having seen how much some other sites were charging for a far less helpful service. I found myself learning about starvation mode, about the nutritional necessity of specific minerals and most importantly for me which foods offered high calories without adding fat, sugars, salt and other nasties. I gradually brought my intake up until eight months into the regime I found myself celebrating a first full week of hitting my target calories every day. That in itself was a big day for me, but also represented the most important message the site endorses; “Slowly, slowly; catchy monkey.” You cannot change your life in one day, it takes time. By starting with the small target of taking breakfast each day, I got into the habit of eating. Once that was set, I determined that breakfast had to be before ten which meant that I was starting to get hungry by mid-afternoon so would eat lunch. I had not felt hungry in such a long time, so that was a huge achievement for me and over time I was able to build up to regularly taking three meals, with a handful of nuts or seeds in the evening to punch the calorie target. I learnt so much about fitness, nutrition, goal-setting and more importantly about myself and I am eternally grateful for that.

But it does not change the fact that without intending to, I had stumbled into a weight-loss resolution.

Other years have passed in a similar fashion, like the year the girls and I had seen in the New Year singing along with the music channels on TV and had decided to have more family time, so opted for a weekly “Family Night”. That drifted off the radar after a few weeks when it became more a “mummy and baby” night.

There was also the year I had a New Year phone call from my gran, which had left me determined to make more effort to visit my older family members more often; but time was hard to come by and I never really managed to visit anyone.

And the year I decided to clean the house whilst awaiting my mum’s call and happened across my book of lists; I decided I no longer needed lists, so threw the book away and determined to never list anything again. That was the worst year ever; I forgot everything, was horrendously disorganised and life just became immensely chaotic until the moment I started to plan a birthday party for one of the kids and just knew without a list it would be the worst party ever.

You see, I accidentally make life-changing decisions at New Year and head down the pathway to Resolution-ville without a second thought.


And this year?

I seem to be accidentally working out

And losing weight

And taking a more organised approach to my work

And after having looked back through my list, gained some sort of ambition and drive unheard of before.

So now I have to make a decision:

Do I determine to achieve all I want and hope for success?

Or…

Do I throw the list away now before the thought of failure and Clichédom become too much to bear?

New Year Aspirations

New Year befalls us again!

And so it is that I once again find myself stumbling down the pathway into Clichédom with accidental intentions of self-improvement and an end to bad habits.

I hate the concept of resolutions and work hard to avoid them; nevertheless as the clock strikes midnight, calendars are opened and a new chapter begun I always find myself alone; stuffed from the over-indulgence of a meal and a bottle of wine intended for five which I have taken alone, maudlin from the heartbreak of making plans which as always come to nought and far too introspective to trusted in charge of my own life for any period of time. Thus I find myself listing all that is wrong with my life, all that I need to change and most importantly all that I have the power to change in an attempt to make the most of the next year.

And yes, I understand that decisions made tonight will leave me feeling virtuous for few weeks before realising that nothing I can do will change the things about my life that most need alteration and resigning to yet another failure… but still I know I will awaken tomorrow in the midst of an accidental detox plan with a beautifully formatted list of hopes and dreams for the coming twelve months (or more realistically, days).

But anyway …

I truly hope 2012 brings each and every one of you all the health, wealth and happiness you deserve.

Renewed: Administrative Housekeeping

I know it is going to seem as though I have been just kicking back of late, but I assure you I have not.

I have been shuffling a lot of projects around, finding more effective ways of working and the outshot is this:

• My long-term personal blog is to be wound up. Whilst I do post there daily, I have found of late that the pressure to do so is making it ever harder to fulfil commitments here and elsewhere… so those who subscribe there but not here should be re-thinking. Of course, the content here is not as intimate, but as time goes on I am finding it easier to be myself – who knows, I may soon be using my real accent and everything!*
• This blog needs regular new posts; all part of the SEO so that people find the reviews when they are current. Not that I proclaim to be an expert in SEO or any other geekness, but I certainly know far more about it now than I did a year ago! This means that from time-to-time there have to be slightly off-topic posts so I will stop apologising for them. Likewise, I will stop apologising for ads… they are essential as I need to make a living. Your clicks would be appreciated, since I get the income for clicks rather than for just having them there at all… especially considering I do take the time to check through the settings in order to keep them vaguely relevant instead of just signing up for an ad-service and letting them put whatever they choose.
• Having finally decided to listen to those who give unsolicited advice, I shall start to write with more idea as to the outcome. No more sitting at a blank page and just running with whatever comes out. I am unsure how this is going to affect you or whether I even need to be telling you, but there it is anyway. It could be that being so organised this blog becomes sleeker, tidier and less haphazard; or maybe the opposite could be true as my brain melts down over having to be so structured with my other projects. Don’t know, don’t much care right now… but there it is.
• I will also stop using this blog as a means to avoid other (more important) administrative jobs, such as… I don’t know; tax returns for example. I spend far too much time mulling over which things to publish, whether this post needs a video or photo, do I already have a picture or should I head out on a shoot? … all at the expense of filling forms, mailing invoices and other equally tedious tasks… this ends today! (well, tomorrow!)

*for those who only know me for this blog I know that reference is lost; all I can say is that one day I will post an explanation, and when I do you will saviour that small moment of “Oh! So that’s what she meant!” but for now, just indulge me please!

So there you are… and since I am in the midst of three new pieces, not to mention the several I already have written and ready to be coded and published, I bid you farewell for now and look forward to the evolution of this blog.

Happy Holidays and other wishy washy greetings

I am aware that in general we should avoid assumptions about the beliefs of our readership and as such Christmas is one of those subjects we are supposed to ignore; however, I am Anglican, as are the majority of my readership and in our society at least, Christmas is celebrated by all regardless of religion.

In fact, my immediate neighbours are Muslim yet last year after I left them off my Christmas card list out of deference for the fact the festival held no importance to them, I was surprised to receive a gift from them; even more so to see their children joining in with the Christmas festivities at school, singing along with songs praising Jesus.

Whilst I do feel that respect should be given to those with different beliefs, I really have to say the situation we get in by trying to avoid enforcing our own religion on others (including using the insipid non-denominational phrase ‘Happy Holidays’) is ridiculous. It irks me all the more because in essence all we are doing is wishing someone a few days of peace, joy and happiness surrounded by those they love most- a great sentiment at any time of the year, surely! In fact, I was overjoyed a while ago when my neighbours delivered some food which was part of a day of celebration to them – I did not get on a huge rant about feeling offended that they were forcing their beliefs on me… in much the same way as my JW friend didn’t when he departed one day early in December saying “I won’t come around for a while now, because we like to sit back and let you all enjoy your festivities” to which I instinctively responded with “Ok, well have a nice Christmas then and I’ll see you in the New Year!”


I personally love Christmas. I like that it is the one time of year my constant list-making is not as open to mockery; excluding the one year I had to make a list of lists because I was sure I had forgotten something. Which I had as it happens so who had the last laugh? Actually, they did, because the need to list my lists somehow highlighted a personality flaw of which all around me had been aware for some time – but would they have laughed so hard had I never sent out cards? I think not!

I also love the whole process of decorating, making things with the kids and hiding in the kitchen for hours on end to appear with stacks of baked goods. It does seem to some that I hate it, especially as I get more stressed as time goes along, but I thrive on the stress and chaos and actually enjoy the constant need to be busy doing one thing or another. I have to admit to also deriving some sort of sick pleasure from seeing fear on the faces of those I love most as they open the kitchen door “WHAT NOW??!!” “nothing… it can wait….” I get left alone for the most part – which suits me no end!

The one place I fail is in the gifting thing. I am inherently bad at consumerism; in fact capitalism in general is far beyond me. I am shit at making money and even worse at spending it. In fact, even during a time when money really was no object, I still could not bear to spend anything. Of course, the hub-creature could – leaving us now with a fully kitted out workshop of around £30k worth of tools he can never use – but I’m not bitter… in the least. I do give nice gifts, don’t get me wrong; I don’t head out and buy tat for pennies, but think long and hard about what a person really needs and act accordingly… so the issue is not the gifts themselves, more the fact that I put off buying them until the absolute last minute. And that is where I find myself now – frantically hoping the mail order companies fulfil their promise of a timely delivery and then having to rush around visiting everyone on Christmas Eve…

I don’t receive presents, either. My parents give me a gift, the same thing every year and a gift for which I am very grateful; they make a hamper of Christmas snacks which is great because I hate having to do the clichéd big-shop of nuts, Mini Cheddars and Quality Street so they do it for me; fabulous, thoughtful and much appreciated. That is my only gift, though, excluding money sent by my grandparents. This is what happens, you see, when you make a stand against consumerism and all it represents; people think it means you want nothing. I consider myself a really easy person to buy for, being quite open about who I am and what I like, yet still it seems I am misunderstood. This is not just a Christmas thing, birthdays are the same. My best ever birthday present by far was from my greatest friend in the world; a huge bath bomb, a book token and a baby-sitting voucher. That gift completely summed me up and was the perfect indication that she totally understood everything I am yet she and my mother seem to be the only people to truly get me.

So anyway – I am hoping to pop back again before the day descends… but no promises, since I have a postman to greet, cards to write (yes, ok – I know they should be done by now!) and lots of cooking to do… most importantly a giant birthday battenburg for the hub-creature! So if you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen – but approach with care!

For no other reason than because I can, I link here to my Christmas soundtrack. Whilst radio and TV seem determined to force us to listen to the same few songs over and again, I have found some I really like to listen to; mostly because they are a little bit different. So here is the entire OTFAF Christmas playlist from Youtube: enjoy!



So have a Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Pancha Ganapati, Yuletide or whatever your chosen festivity.

Hell, why don't we just celebrate them all! Be joyous, happy, blessed and share that love, peace and happiness with all around you!

Comedy Awards 2011: Post-Match Analysis

I have to analyse the events of last night’s British Comedy Awards because for the most part I seemed to do quite poorly.

The most important news is that I horrendously lost the penny gamble. It was going very well, as we had a huge roll-over from many un-won rounds, only for the brilliantly understated “Twenty Twelve” to help me scoop the pot.

Trouble is that traditionally the last award is a chance for the stragglers to play catch-up (especially when they are in such a sulk as was the first-born!) so the penny bets are scratched and everyone places as much as they choose on the closer. Were I in a better frame of mind, I’d have done some sums and worked out how much to gamble to ensure I still won, but both girls went all-in; I doubt I would have stood a chance regardless. Horrible Histories being given the sketch show award for a second year sealed my non-winning fate. On the plus side, I did not come last; but as we know, in award shows there are only winners and losers: second place counts for nothing.

So the home-bound competition dealt with, what of the awards themselves?

I am not going to analyse each decision, because I did enough thinking when making my predictions. For the most part, I felt even those awards going against my hopes and expectations went nevertheless to deserving people, so I won’t be harping on about “Why the hell?” but I do have a few things to acknowledge…

It was amazing to see Armando Iannucci receive an award. Odd it was the Writers Guild award rather than, say, Outstanding contribution or something, because to be honest what he has given the world of British comedy is beyond what he has brought to the table as a writer, but I guess there is time yet for more acknowledgment. It is quite simple to see when looking at the array of comedy around right now just how influential Iannucci has been throughout, both in television and radio so to have that recognised in any form is amazing.

On the converse, I did find the choice of The Inbetweeners as winners of the Outstanding Contribution to be odd indeed. To have made an outstanding contribution, surely you would have to have influenced others and done something to aid the further development of comedy in general. Whilst a brilliant show, has The Inbetweeners yet had time to do this? Of course, the claim could be that they have contributed the wealth of talent that is (in particular) Greg Davies, Simon Bird and Joe Thomas (and I am aware others have worked on other projects too, but these three especially stand out right now) and as such this is Outstanding Contribution, but would this not be the point of the Best Sitcom award they received last year? In all fairness, there are plenty of shows which have contributed far more over a greater amount of time.

It was brilliant to see Stewart Lee receive the award for the Best TV Comic. I really did not think he would be chosen because of his non-conformist nature; a fact he acknowledged himself in his speech, stating that it discredited his entire career (I am paraphrasing; I am far too lazy for proper reporting). That said, I am overjoyed he won, in spite of the fact I had opted against him (having no faith in the system, see?!)

I found the decision to give the best female comic award to Victoria Wood a strange one. I do wonder how much of that was because of her past contributions rather than just off the back of her new show, especially given that many people had not even heard of her new show least still watched it.

I was sad that Greg Davies did not win the Breakthrough award; although I do think whoever won, I’d have been thoroughly disappointed for the non-winners… and part of me has to wonder whether they were all a little relieved not to have had to deal with the seemingly (in case there is something actually wrong with the guy) drunken antics of Freddie Starr. I have to say, I think Dan Skinner dealt brilliantly with the situation; still managing to make his thank you’s, whilst ushering Starr from the stage.



These awards also highlight something else which really grates at me; being the concept “If it doesn’t happen on TV, it doesn’t exist”.

My regular readers will be [painfully] aware (I do know I can be something of a nag!) that I much prefer radio. I guess it comes of being so obsessed by words rather than by their visual representation, or maybe it is simply down to my constant need to multi-task; whilst listening to the radio I can be writing, taking a bath, cooking dinner etc, whereas TV is more demanding of a person’s time.

Regardless… I am digressing once more…

One day I might decide to start editing out the digressions in order to make this whole blog seem more professional, but since they give a little insight into my thought processes, I wonder if I ought to just leave them… more to ponder on I guess!

So anyway:

Where is all the great radio comedy in these awards? The name implies an all-inclusive tone “The British Comedy Awards”: the awards for the entire comedy industry of Britain… so what of those working their asses off week-on-week on the stand-up circuit? What of writers churning out novels, magazine and newspaper columns, blogs etc which have huge followings and are consistently funny throughout?

I am getting far too deep for so late on a Saturday, but this is not just about the awards; it goes far deeper than that. It does irk me hugely when I tell someone I am going to see a particular comedian, or ask “did you hear X on the radio the other day?” only to meet with blank looks because having not been on a panel show or Live at the Appollo makes this person a no-one. Even more annoying when I reel off credits: wrote this; was on this; did that show with Y: still no response.

Or maybe it is simply more indicative of my fangirl nature that I expect everyone to be the comedy geek I am becoming?

Either way, I feel I have wandered so far from the point now I might need to take out a mortgage to buy a train ticket back, so I guess that is my cue to consider this post finished.


Obviously, the Youtube listing is light on radio shows, but a dig around brought up this Christmas gem from The Unbelievable Truth hosted by the brilliant David Mitchell... for my money one of the best radio panel shows, with a new series due to start at the end of the month.

Judgmental? Not me!

I have made the startling realisation that in spite of my constant mockery of some of my snobby neighbours, I am actually one myself. Ironically, my main project of late has been dealing with snobbery in its many forms and so after this dawning, I have looked back over what I have written to realise that in actual fact I have been pretty much describing myself… and here was me thinking I was the main character; wholesome, balanced and reliable but immensely put-upon. As ever, I am choosing to remain philosophical about it, though.

(There’s a funny thing; you know how sometimes a word leaps at you? I just noticed that was the third time today I have used the word philosophical… if I had my metaphysics head on, I’d be digging more on that one, but I am far too busy for that!)

So what mirror of shame made me see myself for all I am then? Funnily enough, it was a review I was writing for this blog; a DVD that I really wanted to hate, with the view that it was far beneath me but which actually had me laughing constantly.

And that is where it gets difficult, because as you know I do like to explain each thought and opinion, but as I was doing so and reading back I just kept thinking “Who the hell do you think you are?” – so I am afraid you are going to have to wait for that one until the right words start to fall into place. And yes, I am aware it is very near Christmas and you are waiting to decide what to buy, but there is little I can do about that now. Besides which, if you are so hanging on my words, I would think there is enough wisdom throughout this blog for you to make some decisions… check the widgets to the right and at the very bottom of the page. I do not include things just for the clicks; every item on the widgets is there for a reason – so that should help you! (and don’t forget to buy the book whilst you are there… it’s a decision you really won’t regret! I’m hoping for a kiss-based commission … reckon he must owe me a few by now!)

Back to topic at an alarming rate…

(because I am time-pressed today; out of the door in half an hour for baby’s school play and I have spent most of this morning doing some research completely unrelated to any of my work, although nevertheless entirely worthwhile!)

This realisation that I choose what I watch based on what do I feel the kind of person I perceive myself to be rather that what actually just makes me laugh left me reeling slightly as I looked within to see many other signs of this snobbery.

For instance: today is recycle day. I know that some places are finicky about stuff having lids and labels removed etc, but as long as your rubbish is clean that is all that matters to our local authority. That said, when putting out tins of beans, soup or anything of the Tesco value range I will always remove the label. Should I have used a can of Napoli tomatoes, a jar of capers or anything else appropriately middle-class, I do not worry so much. It isn’t a conscious decision, though, simply some sort of reflex action.

I have always held pride in the fact that I wasn’t as much a snob as the rest of my neighbours, simply because my living in this neighbourhood is solely down to the fact that we received a payout from the hub-creature’s employers for their having destroyed our lives. My opinion was always that I was still the same person who used to live on the council estate we quite literally look down on from our current house, but thinking back I can help but notice that even whilst living on the estate, I did so with a huge element of snobbery. I remember looking at certain people with disdain, holding the opinion that I was certainly better than them simply because I had enough going for me that I could work my way out of the system, whilst they were destined to live in their nicotine-stained drug pit forever. And they will, for the most part, because the type of people I lived around had no ambition, no drive and no desire to better themselves: thus I was better than them.

It is not a nice thing to realise something you so hate in others is as prevalent through your own personality. Yet strangely I find myself sharing it with you all… such is the human condition, I guess. “I just realised I am not a nice person, pity me?” (There is a particular voice with which that statement needs to be read for the effect I want, I could pop round and read it out in the appropriate manner if you need me to, but you’ll have to front up the travel costs)

Anyway, I shall cease for now. So much in my head today and so little time to actually write; let’s hope enough of it sticks to the edges of my brain that I can scrape out something decent later!

And nope, no media because I am far too busy to hop aboard the youtube bus today... that and I already know where I will end up and it bears no relevance to this particular post.

The Need for Reform

I make no apologies for the lack of laughter or references to comedy within this post. I know that generally there might at least be a smirk at the banality of the humdrum but I am afraid this post does not even offer that. I am getting serious for just a minute or two, so if that does not suit your need right now, then simply await the arrival of the next ... I have a couple more reviews coming and some other brain-fuzz that needs clearing out so there will be more soon I am sure... after coffee!

Today’s moan-iness comes at the expense of the education system… in particular the whole debacle that is becoming of the GCSE.

I know, you are probably thinking this is more a June topic but for those unaware of the timings of such things, rising 16s across the UK are currently taking their mock exams so the subject is fairly relevant right now, especially in my household.

I do not want to start on the tone of “exams are getting easier” as is so trendy to do, because even were it true (and I wouldn’t know having only a vague memory of the content of my own GCSE’s) that makes little difference to the pressure felt by those sitting them. With pressure to have all post-16’s remaining in education, the system is being tweaked constantly to create an ‘everyone wins’ situation, but in reality is this and the fact the kids are hearing outcry from the nation’s media about how easy the exams are simply placing more pressure on them? If they are hearing that there is no way they can fail, the worry about what will happen if they do is surely all the greater?

So just what are these tweaks?

For those unaware of the process, I will explain a little from my own experience. Bear in mind, child one sat her GCSE’s two years ago, child two is sitting hers this year… my own were too long ago to be relevant, but I can see the way the system has changed just over the past two years.

The biggest change is that rather than having eighteen months of learning then six months of exam prep, revision and practice papers prior to a few weeks of frantically prying the knowledge from the back of your brain, the kids are tested on each module individually. And for those around my age, I do not mean in the form of coursework which was so demonised in our day (that seems to have fallen by the wayside) but that they are sitting exams at fourteen which contribute to their final results. There is some eight months or so of formal teaching, and then a round of exams on everything learnt so far; those topics are then deemed closed, knowledge forgotten and new things taught. I suppose it is endemic of the short attention spans of today’s youth that it is done this way, but is this a trait we should be pandering to? In ten years or so, when this generation are surgeons and the like, would you want to hear “I can’t really remember how to do this; we, like, did it in the first term or summat! ” How will this generation grow up to teach the next if they are unable to remember anything themselves? “Sir, I don’t understand!” “Neither do I, let’s just google it.”

Okay, testing at the end of year ten (the fourth year to oldies such as myself!) might give those performing well a great boost, but for the most part the kids have not developed the skills needed to learn, revise, remember and recall information before they are being given final grades on huge chunks of their exams. In our case, daughter did not perform well… we were not really expecting her to given the problems we were having at the time, but seeing such poor grades after having been predicted A’s B’s and C’s at the beginning of the year had her completely floored. Do we really think it is worth putting them through such a potentially harmful process? Living in an area with a fairly high rate of teen suicide it’s a worrying thing indeed to see your child lose all hope with one swift action, which left us all walking on eggshells for weeks after.

GCSE year two seems to offer pretty little opportunity for actual learning. Especially given that they are almost starting from scratch in some subjects, taking on a new module for their second round of examinations. I was quite stunned a few weeks ago when child two proudly announced “Mum, I got a B for my mock mock today!”… I know you went back over that sentence, didn’t you? What can I say but: yes, you did read it right…. Examinations are in June… so Mock Examinations are in December… and at the beginning of November the children were sitting mocks of their upcoming mocks… WHY?? That gives teaching time in this school year thus far of something like ten weeks out of sixteen – but consider for a moment that a lot of that classroom time is being spent on past papers, revision methods and such, are the children being taught a subject or are they simply being taught how to pass an examination? Are we placing more importance on receiving certificates than on the imparting of knowledge?

The current scandal over the release of information about examination contents perfectly highlights this. We all want our children to do well, don’t get me wrong, but why should teachers have the right to choose what they teach based on what will be tested? Surely an entire subject should be taught and the exam content should reflect that.

I do not understand the concept of modules at all if I am honest. For instance, one of daughter’s subjects is History. She received a half-GCSE last year based on the module of “Ancient Medicine”; this year’s is “The American West”. Now whilst I fully appreciate the concept of studying certain elements in detail, is it not quite important that the kids are taught about more specific historic occurrences? And is this maybe one case for the return of the old system of coursework, whereby there is room to study one or two topics in detail whilst other more general history is being taught?

History in itself is something I feel quite passionately about, mostly because I managed to get through my entire secondary education without a single history lesson in spite of the fact it was always a great passion of mine. I do not know if the subject exists on any plane nowadays (I could do a websearch and find out, I know, but the internet is attention-seeking in the worst way today!) but we studied Humanities; a bizarre amalgam of history, geography and religious studies which was taught by a group of teachers of all three subjects. Throughout the entire time at the school, my lessons were taught by geography teachers and their lack of passion for something outside the subject for which they had trained was always quite apparent! Of course, this meant that when choosing my GCSE subjects I stuck with what I knew so I walked away with a mediocre geography GCSE – with the benefit of hindsight, though, I’d have done far better at history… digressing again I know… sounding bitter? Not I!!

Anyway…

All of this complaining leaves me with one question:

Is the GCSE relevant to today’s society?

Does it fully represent the aims of the education system as-is?


Ok, that’s two questions, so before I descend into a Monty Python sketch it is impossible to climb out of I will continue and hope no-one else notices…


Given that the end-goal is a system in which every child leaves school with a qualification, you would have to question if subject-specific certificates are needed at all. Maybe the way forwards is a US-style award representing the fact that a certain level was achieved across the board. There is a certain comfort from knowing before the completion of your final year of school whether you have done all you need to… and this would certainly avoid all the uncertainty that comes of results day. One has to wonder if that is not something government are trying to sneak past us in the form of the Baccalaureate; whether they might one day announce that this is the new way of doing things… but would this necessarily be a bad thing? An all-in qualification which shows a standard has been reached over a range of subjects is surely a better gauge than a collection of unconnected grades. How many employers look at a CV and refuse someone an interview on the basis of that D grade at GCSE art, after all?

And with the age of compulsory schooling raising to seventeen in 2013 and eighteen in 2015 one would have to wonder if testing at sixteen in any form will be either relevant or necessary. To my mind, a formal test is only really needed on leaving compulsory education to give an idea of standards to potential employers or higher education providers so we could cut out the pressure placed on our 14-16’s altogether.

BCA 2011

At the risk of ruining my chances at winning the annual penny gambling contest with my older kids, I do need to talk a little about the nominees for this year’s British Comedy Awards being shown live on Channel Four this Friday evening… since that is kind of the point of my being here!

Best New Comedy Programme

This is a difficult one to call. I personally liked all the shows, but I do feel of the four nominees, Spy is probably the weaker; there were points at which the gags seemed far too obvious and contrived in spite of their hilarity. I really wouldn’t like to call between the others, though. I think Friday Night Dinner almost snuck un-noticed onto our screens so viewing figures won’t have been great but it was hilarious and definitely deserving of a nomination. Twenty Twelve at times became more farcical than perhaps it needed to be so tentatively that leaves Fresh Meat as my choice to win. I say tentatively because I know it was ripped apart by a lot of reviewers when it first arrived; but the actual viewers seemed to enjoy it and that has to count for something.


Best Comedy Entertainment Programme

Much as I would love to see this award going to Stewart Lee I do not think that is going to happen because he is a little too Marmite and whilst there a solid, loyal audience for TV Burp, I don’t think they represent a comedy audience as such so I would also rule out a win on that basis. It is difficult to choose between Chatty Man and An Idiot Abroad, simply because they are such a hugely different format. Both are very funny; both are entertaining; I suspect, though, that An Idiot Abroad will take the award in this instance.

Best Sketch Show

I have to admit, I did not manage to catch an episode of This is Jinsy. Notably, none of my friends seemed to either. This in itself seems quite telling, although from the many trailers it did look really good. The One Ronnie was fabulous, and you would have to wonder if this will be given the win just off the back of the legacy with which it comes, but for my money it was not the best and as a one-off show is that enough to warrant the award? Horrible Histories is fabulous and did surprise a lot of people with its win last year, but have they done enough to win a second year? I suspect it to be more a case of whether the opposition are considered strong enough to knock them off the pedestal; sadly with sketch shows seeming to be out of fashion nowadays, there is little to compete but what we see here is a selection of shows of an equal standing so it really could go either way. I am not sure; I definitely think the stronger shows in this category are Histories and Come Fly With Me, but I am not sure how I would decide between them. In fact, during the time spent writing this, I have trawled around the web and found a few Jinsy clips and that is actually really good too… rather too close to call here, so I think simply for marking a point in comedic history, The One Ronnie will walk away with the prize.

Best comedy panel show

This is another tricky category and there are other panel shows I would like to see nominated which have been seemingly overlooked. None of the shows up for this award have brought anything new to the table over the past year, but then do they need to? All are extremely popular with their particular audience and as such choosing a winner just comes down to which demographic those making the decision fall into. I know I am going to be hated here, but I see little value in Celebrity Juice. It’s not a household issue: two of my girls love it; the hub-person loves it; I can not stand the show. I have tried to watch it, but there is something about it that just stops me cold – so I definitely would not want to see it win and more importantly I do not think it will. Were this a category determined by public vote, however, I am aware it would probably walk it, simply because the majority of its audience are of the X-factor generation who would vote on what colour underpants Jonathon Ross will be wearing throughout the ceremony were they given the opportunity. I fatigued of Shooting Stars over this last series. It’s not them, it’s me… I changed and things just didn’t feel right. Maybe I have outgrown it or maybe I suffered from over-exposure in the early days… whatever it is, I am not sure they have what it takes to win. Have I Got News and Would I Lie are the stronger contenders by far. I can’t really choose between them, but to say that I personally prefer Would I Lie… so I am going to make that my prediction and cross my fingers that they win again.

Best Sitcom

Again, it’s really hard to call this one. With two seasoned shows and two very strong newcomers, it’s difficult to decide which way I would like to see this pan out. I can honestly say I would be happy with the decision whichever happens to win, but I have set myself a task here to predict one way or the other and so I shall! I have already given my opinion of Twenty Twelve and Friday Night Dinner… both very funny and great viewing. To be honest, it would be good if Twenty Twelve were to win, simply on account of the fact that it’s not a sitcom which will have great longevity. Ok, so there may be a series to be made from the event itself, but there is nothing beyond. That said, both Miranda and Peep Show are brilliantly written, have a huge audience and bring the comfort that comes of knowing what to expect from your entertainment. Ok, I am being wishy-washy, I know – I’m going to plump for Twenty Twelve here… but I really don’t care if I am wrong as they are all fab!

Best Comedy Drama

I have to admit to having been a little disappointed in The Hunt for Tony Blair. I don’t know why, maybe I had really high expectations borne of having grown up watching the original offerings from the Comic Strip… maybe my opinion was clouded slightly by my political disinterest. I can’t really say, but I do not feel it will win. Maybe I will be proven wrong; I hope not. Misfits is okay I guess; it’s something different, but I see little of the comedy element in it. And I know this is not a category in which you are supposed to fall about laughing, but to me Misfits is more a light drama than a comedy one. All of which leaves me having to decide between Psychoville and Fresh Meat. I really loved both, so another tricky decision… I have covered both shows in this blog so I shan’t repeat myself. In terms of which of the two would I most like to watch at this moment in time? Psychoville. So therein lays my decision.

Best Comedy Entertainment Personality

To be honest, I am completely over Graham Norton; sure he was great, what ten years ago but I am fatigued by the effort of putting up with his nonsense now. It does annoy me immensely that he so often has a guest at his side being completely ignored whilst he plays at the diva thing. By contrast (and no, not on account of them both being gay, but as they have a similar personality!) Alan Carr will play the fool for a while, then actually sit and listen to what his guests have to say. In all honesty, I don’t watch either with any regularity mostly because I’m not too into the whole ‘celebrity’ culture; but I have seen enough to feel that neither is worthy of this award on the basis of these shows. Harry Hill is great and I am very much looking forward to seeing what he comes up with when he finally breaks free from the binds of TV Burp. It’s a great vehicle for him, don’t get me wrong, but I do feel he has pushed the show as far as he can and as such I don’t see him being given this award other than as a ‘thank you and goodbye’ style gift. I think Charlie Brooker is by far and away the best in this category, not to mention being pretty hot news right now with his brilliantly sinister Black Mirror.

Best TV Comedy Actor

I’m afraid I have to count Darren Boyd out here from the outset. Spy was a great programme, don’t get me wrong; and he was brilliant in it. The trouble is, I have yet to see him play a different character, so does this performance make him the best actor? Not really. Part of me really wanted Jack Whitehall to be utterly bad in Fresh Meat, much as so that I could yell at my screen “Stick to what you’re bloody good at!!” but he wasn’t. That said, was he acting or simply acting up, being a parody of the persona he portrays on-stage? I genuinely believed in his character, but just where is the line between JP and Jack? But I do have to say he seemed to really flourish in his role and I guess that is what counts. Hugh Dennis is of course fantastic; as is Outnumbered. The difference is that whilst the show flounders as viewers start to wonder if they still want to watch or not, Dennis is still performing his role as well as he ever has. He is credible and completely at one with his character throughout, as are all on the show. Hugh Bonneville has performed so many different roles throughout his career that it is perfectly clear where the line between performer and character lies, but with this in mind, I wonder it acceptable to expect more of him? There is never a moment you slip into that mindset of totally believing in the character, being always aware of the actor behind the mask. I am drawn here… I very much suspect the award will go to Hugh Bonneville, but I am going to stick my neck out and cast my vote in the direction of Jack Whitehall.

Best TV Comedy Actress

I really would hate to be part of the committee (or however it works!) who have to make these decisions. These four are all excellent! I have already passed comment on Outnumbered, so will say nothing more than that Claire Skinner plays her character brilliantly. I am going to be a little contentious here; Miranda Hart is amazing, funny and a marvellous entertainer… but is she an actress? I have seen her on a few chat shows and, of course, her Comic Relief Fame Academy appearance and she does come across very much as the character she portrays. Even her role on the equally brilliant ‘Not Going Out’ seems simply an exaggerated form of the same character. So whilst in my mind she absolutely deserves her other nominations, I really do not think this is one for her (and my opinion was much the same when she won this category last year). I thought Tamsin Greig was great on Friday Night Dinner, she really could be any world-weary mother, trying desperately to hold on to their children, if only for one night of the week. By far, though, the runaway in this category absolutely has to be Dawn French. Her performance in Psychoville was outstanding. Working with a script so dark and deliberately unfunny leaves the onus on the performers and French did brilliantly at holding onto the comedy whilst showing the more sinister side to her character; she managed to perfectly balance both elements so that we were always slightly scared of what might come next whilst still seeing the funny behind it so she is my choice to win this one!

Best Comedy Breakthrough Artist

I know I have already said I have not been too into Shooting Stars, but I do love Dan Skinner. He cropped up on something a few days ago and I was trying to remember the first time I saw the character of Angelos, but I could not remember beyond that it must have been some four years or so ago (calculated using the cunning method of ‘where was I living?’, only slightly more reliable than ‘Ip-dip dogshit’) … does this constitute a breakthrough? More a chiselthrough, I’d have thought, but either way I approve. I did feel Tom Rosenthal was slightly over-shadowed in Friday Night, much as one would expect, I guess; he was great, but I do not know that I would call his appearance a breakthrough in any respect. By contrast, we have Micky Flanagan – who I did say (must have been in another blog, because it was about this time last year!) would be one to watch for this year; his career has certainly taken huge steps as I predicted (Yup… I am going to put myself up for the role as the new Psychic Sally since someone broke the last one!) Greg Davies, too, has had a highly productive couple of years. I do not understand the reasoning for his nomination coming off the back of Ask Rhod, though – his performance there was hardly breakthrough, but in terms of his career taking off, well this certainly seems to have been his year. I am torn, though. The term ‘breakthrough’ suggests a dramatic emergence and in that context, it really should be Micky Flanagan who wins since Greg has been digging away at it, gradually building to his current position – but having put in the hard slog, does that not make Greg more deserving? It’s another really close call, but I’m going to have to gun for Greg Davies on this one and if anyone asks me why, I shall simply answer “Because”.

Best Male Television Comic

I have already covered my opinions on Harry Hill here. I think that what he does now is certainly entertaining, but I wouldn’t necessarily rank it as comedy; at least not in the sense of the others on this list. I am desperately hoping we see a return to stand-up when he finally closes the door on Burp, though… he used to be amazing! Charlie Brooker is great; his dry, quick-fire wit works brilliantly on whatever show he happens to be. I have already chosen him to win another award, though, and were I in charge I certainly wouldn’t want to be giving him two, just in case it goes to his head! I am of course being flippant… mainly because having cleared the only entry on this selection I see as being superfluous I am left with three people I would very much like to see win. Rob Brydon is brilliant, highly entertaining and just naturally very funny. I always feel that he truly does bring out the best in his guests seeming to be genuinely interested in what they have to say even if inside he maybe isn’t. That said, however, I really want to see Stewart Lee win this award for his Comedy Vehicle. In my opinion, Lee always delivers so he absolutely deserves this prize for his efforts!

Best Female Television Comic

I have to admit, I hadn’t heard of Victoria Wood's Angina Monologues so cannot really comment on it. That does make it quite difficult to pick my potential winner, as I might be immediately passing over what is by far the best, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to head off on another Youtube jolly right now. And yes, I know, I harp on about lazy reviewing all the time, but you will I hope note the fact that I am not formally reviewing the show, I am quite honestly admitting to having not seen it. Jo Brand is always a great addition to any panel show, as is Sarah Millican. I find it strange that each are nominated for one particular show here rather than for their performance as a whole, but either way both are always funny, relevant and highly entertaining. I have to be honest, the last Red Nose Day is a complete blur to me, as much has happened since, but I find it odd that Miranda Hart is nominated on the basis of this appearance and not those she has made on panel or chat shows since; either way I would be tempted to declare her the winner of this category simply because I passed her over previously, but I am not a people-pleaser, I never have been, so much as it pains me I have to bypass her again and flip an imaginary coin for Sarah Millican or Jo Brand. I think I am going to fall on the side of Millican because she does give the heartiest belly laughs whatever show she may be on.

People's Choice for the King or Queen of Comedy

Nominees are:
David Mitchell
Jack Whitehall
Miranda Hart
Jo Brand
Graham Norton
Sarah Millican
I am not going to fully analyse this selection: partly because I do not think it would be ethical to do so; partly because it is the “people’s” choice and the people for the most part are idiotically unpredictable; mostly because I really do not care so much who wins this one. I know for whom I will be voting (should I choose to do so) and I have a suspicion as to who will win, but I shall leave it at that.
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