Judgmental? Not me!

I have made the startling realisation that in spite of my constant mockery of some of my snobby neighbours, I am actually one myself. Ironically, my main project of late has been dealing with snobbery in its many forms and so after this dawning, I have looked back over what I have written to realise that in actual fact I have been pretty much describing myself… and here was me thinking I was the main character; wholesome, balanced and reliable but immensely put-upon. As ever, I am choosing to remain philosophical about it, though.

(There’s a funny thing; you know how sometimes a word leaps at you? I just noticed that was the third time today I have used the word philosophical… if I had my metaphysics head on, I’d be digging more on that one, but I am far too busy for that!)

So what mirror of shame made me see myself for all I am then? Funnily enough, it was a review I was writing for this blog; a DVD that I really wanted to hate, with the view that it was far beneath me but which actually had me laughing constantly.

And that is where it gets difficult, because as you know I do like to explain each thought and opinion, but as I was doing so and reading back I just kept thinking “Who the hell do you think you are?” – so I am afraid you are going to have to wait for that one until the right words start to fall into place. And yes, I am aware it is very near Christmas and you are waiting to decide what to buy, but there is little I can do about that now. Besides which, if you are so hanging on my words, I would think there is enough wisdom throughout this blog for you to make some decisions… check the widgets to the right and at the very bottom of the page. I do not include things just for the clicks; every item on the widgets is there for a reason – so that should help you! (and don’t forget to buy the book whilst you are there… it’s a decision you really won’t regret! I’m hoping for a kiss-based commission … reckon he must owe me a few by now!)

Back to topic at an alarming rate…

(because I am time-pressed today; out of the door in half an hour for baby’s school play and I have spent most of this morning doing some research completely unrelated to any of my work, although nevertheless entirely worthwhile!)

This realisation that I choose what I watch based on what do I feel the kind of person I perceive myself to be rather that what actually just makes me laugh left me reeling slightly as I looked within to see many other signs of this snobbery.

For instance: today is recycle day. I know that some places are finicky about stuff having lids and labels removed etc, but as long as your rubbish is clean that is all that matters to our local authority. That said, when putting out tins of beans, soup or anything of the Tesco value range I will always remove the label. Should I have used a can of Napoli tomatoes, a jar of capers or anything else appropriately middle-class, I do not worry so much. It isn’t a conscious decision, though, simply some sort of reflex action.

I have always held pride in the fact that I wasn’t as much a snob as the rest of my neighbours, simply because my living in this neighbourhood is solely down to the fact that we received a payout from the hub-creature’s employers for their having destroyed our lives. My opinion was always that I was still the same person who used to live on the council estate we quite literally look down on from our current house, but thinking back I can help but notice that even whilst living on the estate, I did so with a huge element of snobbery. I remember looking at certain people with disdain, holding the opinion that I was certainly better than them simply because I had enough going for me that I could work my way out of the system, whilst they were destined to live in their nicotine-stained drug pit forever. And they will, for the most part, because the type of people I lived around had no ambition, no drive and no desire to better themselves: thus I was better than them.

It is not a nice thing to realise something you so hate in others is as prevalent through your own personality. Yet strangely I find myself sharing it with you all… such is the human condition, I guess. “I just realised I am not a nice person, pity me?” (There is a particular voice with which that statement needs to be read for the effect I want, I could pop round and read it out in the appropriate manner if you need me to, but you’ll have to front up the travel costs)

Anyway, I shall cease for now. So much in my head today and so little time to actually write; let’s hope enough of it sticks to the edges of my brain that I can scrape out something decent later!

And nope, no media because I am far too busy to hop aboard the youtube bus today... that and I already know where I will end up and it bears no relevance to this particular post.