I was asked back in the summer to help fine-tune a panto script for a really small group in the heart of middle-England with the main issue being: “We need time to change between appearances since there are only four of us!” I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of this; as projects go it was something different for me and did take my work in a new direction for a while, but much as I appreciate the concept of immersion therapy it did little to cure my dislike of the pantomime concept.
I appreciate the whole issue of tradition and everything, it's just that I feel panto is more for the performers than the audience. Going to the theatre shouldn’t be so much bloody hard work; yet the pantomime audience is expected to provide all the entertainment themselves whilst the actors just dick about on the stage wearing everything the wardrobe manager procured throughout the year in order to justify their stretched budget.
Perhaps it’s just my perception that’s a little screwy – I know many people who go to our town panto every year and thoroughly enjoy every moment; I just leave exhausted, thinking about how I could have gone for a run instead and still had time to do some work before everyone returned, feeling just as hot and weary yet a little better about myself.
In any case, spending almost the entire year thinking panto really has me stone-cold at the start of the run of ours here.
Most often, there is at least the lure of a celeb or two hidden within the cast. In our case, we do not even have that. What we have is “the voice of” one; and not even a proper star, either – one of those “Who?” “You know; her off that thing!” celebrities.
I guess part of that particular problem is that I don’t buy into the whole reality TV thing and those are very much the only type of stars that come to a place like this. For years now, there has been a guy wheeled out in our town for every big event lauded as a “Local hero” … now I thought this was an ironic title, since he really doesn’t have the look of a celebrity, but I discovered just a few weeks ago he really does have celebrity status from having appeared on another reality show I don’t watch some four years or so ago.
And here’s another thing: when I choose to rise above the wave of inane ‘entertainment’ that is X-Factor, Big Brother et al and seek enrichment from other sources, why is it that it is I who is made to feel like a second-class citizen when a name is thrown at me I do not recognise?
And why is it that we are made to endure these people in one show after another in spite of their complete lack of any entertaining qualities whatsoever? Case-in-point… Amy Childs - I could launch into a huge rant here, but I will say just one thing: WHAT THE FUCK!! I was astounded to see someone so vacuous appearing on panel shows – I’ll be honest, I truly thought it was a comedy character I had not yet come across (albeit not a particularly good one!) In order to illustrate my point, I want to draw a comparison with the fictional creation Gayle Tuesday (for those who remember!) but in all honesty, she had far more personality and character than the bizarre creature we are currently having paraded across our screens. Are we really all so zombified that whatever it is she offers constitutes entertainment? We do need to realise that simply being on the television is not enough to make someone a celebrity; especially in a time when it appears pretty much anyone can get themselves on!
Is it just me, or is this in fact a huge insult to those who work bloody hard to develop their skills, build a following and truly entertain their public?
Especially given that in this case in particular, the thing which has made her a ‘celebrity’ is actually something we all learned to do at the age of three.
Yes, an actual piece of historic artwork as made by one of my loverly angel-creatures many years ago...
But anyway – she’s an easy target so I’ll leave it there I guess.
Since I mentioned her earlier, I’ve had a trawl and found this clip from Gayle Tuesday’s mid-90’s show “Gayle’s World” featuring the fabulous Sheila Hancock! Not the funniest clip on the web, but I was looking for something in particular and headed down a path that landed here, so it seems fitting...
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